Forgotten
by Hecari
Summary: The battle for the freedom of the mages of Kirkwall is over. But Hawke still has one battle to fight. She was not strong enough to protect Fenris from Danarius before, but she will not abandon him. Traveling to Tevinter, she will do everything in her power, as both a Mage and a woman, to save the man who has forgotten her.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! Welcome to my first fanfic! This is a work in progress, so I will be editing chapters for errors from time to time.**

**EDIT 11/25: I am doing a quick edit of all chapters. I was informed by a friend that the italics I have been using to notate inner thoughts does not show up on all browsers (mobile or pc). I am going to put all of these thoughts with - before and after them throughout the story UNLESS it is stated as "he/she thought" in the sentence. I apologize if this seems odd, but these need to be indicated in some way for everyone. Thanks and enjoy!**

The wind was warm as the ashes blew toward Marion Hawke's face. All around her, the fighting was drawing to a close. The mages of Kirkwall had won their freedom for now. However, with their First Enchanter dead after resorting to blood magic and the Knight-Commander fallen in the midst of her vengeful rage, that freedom seemed very costly to obtain. Hawke's staff swayed as she leaned her weight upon it. The Chantry's response would be quick and terrible. The war for the freedom of mages had barely begun. But as she turned and gazed out upon the sea, Hawke resigned herself to another struggle, to another's freedom.

Chapter One

"You did not have to join me..."

Marion's voice trailed off as she watched the approaching shoreline. Her arms crossed and laid heavily against the railing on the ship's deck. The city was a beautiful sight to behold.

"Don't give us that excuse now, Hawke! It's too late to swim back!"  
Turning to look at the dwarf behind her, she couldn't help but smile. Over the past decade, Hawke's life had changed so much. Lost was the not quite predictable, but simple life of an apostate young woman in Lothering. Replacing it was a life of danger and death and the most loyal friends she could have ever hoped for. A look of pain crossed her face as she shifted her gaze over her other companions on the ship. Leaning against the mast stood another mage, his brow furrowed as he pored over a leather-bound tome and at his feet, a sleeping Mabari. Looking up, she caught a glimpse of red hair and the gleam of polished armor as the door shut to the inner quarters of the ship. At the helm stood a dark haired woman laughing loudly at a blushing female elf. So few they were now.

"Earth to Hawke!" Startled from her thoughts, Marion looked back at Isabela at the wheel, "You need to head below deck and get ready. We will be in port within the hour."

_-The air was heavy with the stink of unwashed bodies and smoke as she entered the tavern. Although generally thought of as an "unsavory" establishment, the Hanged Man had become a sort of home away from home for Marion. Between her near daily visits to conspire with Varric and her drunken games with Isabela, she had become familiar with the gossip and regular patrons that often dwelled within. A feeling of unease trickled down her spine as she swept the room. Most of the tables in the center were empty, instead the edges were filled with cloaked figures hunched over their pints. There was only one exception. Seeming very out of place with the filth and chaos elsewhere in the tavern, a young elf woman sat stiffly at the center most table in the room. Her back was to the door which gave Hawke a moment to examine her. Her willowy, almost too thin, form was covered in a dress that was made to look poor and plain; however, upon closer inspection, Hawke recognized the fine quality in the layers of clean fabric. Making one last sweep of the room with her eye, she silently gestured for her companions to enter. Just before she turned to face them, a long stick under the elf woman's table caught her eye._

_The tavern door slammed open as Fenris entered, followed quickly by Varric and Isabela. A slight flinch snapped through the elf woman at the loud noise and she turned to face the newcomers. Marion placed a gentle hand on Fenris' wrist as he stood beside her. As her fingers wrapped around the blood red fabric her wore there, she found him to be trembling as well. He shook her off lightly and took another step forward._

_"Varania."_

_"Brother... It is you." Jerking to her feet, Varania took a hesitant step toward Fenris, "It has been so long, Leto. It is good to see you are well."_

_A flash of confusion came over his face before Fenris was able to compose himself. Shaking himself slightly, he looked at the elf through narrowed eyes, _

_"What did you call me...? I remember..." _

_"I forget myself, brother," Varania bowed her head in apology then looked back with a small smile on her lips, " You do not know yourself by your true name. Your name was Leto."_

_As Varania took a few more steps toward their group, Hawke began to notice a change in the patrons along the walls. When they entered, the strangers only seemed to have a passing interest in the group. Now, they were watching the elf woman intensely with none of the foggy gazes of the drunk. As she tightened her grip on her staff, Hawke heard Isabela and Varric pull out their weapons as well._

_"Hello, little wolf."_

_As though they were a whip across this face, Fenris jerked and took a sudden step back from his sister. A man in the finery of a Imperial Magister walked down the stairs in the back of the room. Malice and power surrounded him and every bone in Marion's body screamed at her to run. Fenris' markings flared as he pulled his broadsword from the sheath on his back._

_"Danarius!" Pointing his sword at his sister's throat, he stepped between his former master and Marion. "You led him here!"_

_"Now, now, Fenris. I am your master and you forget your place. Your sister only did what any good Imperial citizen would." Danarius chuckled as he placed a hand on Varania's shoulder._

_"I am sorry, Leto. There was no other way. After you won mother and me our freedom, we were cast out onto the streets with nothing. No food, no money. Mother didn't last a year. When I was found to have magic..."_

_"You are... a magister?!" The glow from the lyrium in his skin grew brighter as the rage flowed through his body._

_"No, Fenris. But she will be. That was the bargain, you see? If she helped me get to you, then I would accept her as my apprentice. I seem to be one apprentice short and your sister has much talent. Now come, slave. My patience has waned and your playtime with freedom has come to an end."_

_"I am not your slave!"_

_The entire room sprung into action as Fenris lunged at his tormentor. A scream split the air as Varania ducked under the table to escape his blade. Hawke began casting every spell in her arsenal to try and keep Danarius' minions from getting to Fenris. But no matter how many she froze and Bianca shattered or throats that Isabella caressed with her blades, they just kept coming. Shades, demons, mercenaries. There was no end to them. Fenris circled Danarius as the magister laughed at him behind his shield. Just as Fenris phased to break the shield, a loud explosion shook the room._

"No!" Hawke sat straight up from her unfamiliar bed. Cold sweat drenched her hair and she shoved the blanket from her in an attempt to escape the images. Staring at her from the other side of the small room she had procured at the inn was Aveline.-

"Nightmares again, Marion?"

"We are so close, Aveline. I cannot stop thinking that there was something more that I could have done that day. I... I hope we are not too late..."

Unable to bear the look of pity any longer, Hawke stood and fled quietly from the room. As she slowly walked down to the main sitting room of the inn, the sights and sounds of her memory continued to haunt her. -_I will not let you suffer much longer, Fenris. Please hold on.-_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Minrathous was a very large city. As the first day of information gathering pushed into afternoon, Hawke began to fully realize just how far the city sprawled along the massive island. _No wonder Andraste could not take this wretched place_, she thought as she followed the flow of the crowd, _even if you stormed the city, it would take months if not years to flush out any resistance_. The streets twisted and turned upon one another. Anyone caught walking without paying attention could easily be swept into one of many dead ends and narrow alleyways. Hawke could not help but be reminded of her days in Kirkwall as she carefully navigated through the city herself. Along the main streets, every form of craftsman, food vendor and artisan hawked their wares to any person willing to listen to their outrageous claims of quality over another. However, despite the vastness of the heart of the Empire, a sense of decay crept among the grandeur. Deep cracks ran through the carefully laid cobblestones. Brightly painted shop doors set slightly crooked on their bent hinges and moaned as if in pain with every customer allowed to pass. On top of it all, a film of filth and ash from the refineries lay over every surface not constantly cleaned by the owner. Hawke observed these things as she began her trek back towards the more familiar section on the city that housed the inn from which she began her search. Suddenly, a thin, gangly man stood in her path and she stumbled to avoid running into him. Behind her, Varric cursed as he almost ran into her back as well.

"I have a message for your companion, Mistress." With a deep bow, the man held out his trembling hand to Hawke. As she gingerly took the small folded piece of parchment from him, the man bowed once more and disappeared quickly into the crowd. Varric slowly removed his finger from Bianca's trigger as he stepped up to stand beside her. Hawke handed him the message as they both moved into an empty doorstep. As Varric began reading the note, his brow furrowed in deep thought. Whatever words were written there, they troubled the carefree dwarf greatly.

"Hawke, we should head back to the inn. My sources have actually earned their silver on this one."

"You have got to be kidding me, Varric." Hawke paced back and forth across the small room as she thought over what the dwarf had discovered. The rest of the group sat in silence around the room as they absorbed the revelation as well.

"Is there really no other way? We only just arrived, perhaps we just need to look into it further." Merrill's worried voice piped up from her seat on the bed. Her big, innocent eyes flicked between Varric and Hawke as they began to shine with impending tears. Isabela stepped away from her perch against the wall and sat beside the now sobbing elf and wrapped her arm around her.

"Unfortunately it is the only option available to us, Daisy. According to Tevinter law, the only way Hawke can get back at Danarius and give him what he deserves is through a Proving. Damn magisters and their fascination with dwarves. And of course, they had to twist it and make it an all or nothing fight to the death. If a challenger defeats a magister in a sanctioned Proving and kills him, they gain possession of all his estates, funds, and slaves. If you do this Hawke, not only do you kill that sorry son of a nug, but you can legally make Fenris a free man."

Anders shot up from the chest at the foot of the bed, "By the Maker! He is not worth your life, Marion! On top of the death and doom aspect of this plan, Fenris won't even know who you or any of us are! Remember that letter? Danarius made sure to rub it in that he had once again wiped that worthless elf's memory and turned him into nothing more than a puppet."

A loud thump made everyone in the room start. Hawke stepped toward Anders ominously as she used her magic to hold him against the wall. Quick blue flares flickered over Anders' body as Justice fought against the binds as well. Aveline gently placed a hand on Hawke's shoulder, but she sharply shook it off as the glared at the helpless mage in her control.

"You will not speak ill of Fenris in my presence again, Anders. You agreed to follow and aid me in this horrid place as my friend and companion. Fenris was also your comrade and stood by you even despite his distrust of you and Justice. If it is so easy for you to dismiss him as, how you put it, a worthless elf, then perhaps I would be better off without your so-called 'help'."

Releasing her hold, Hawke stalked to the doorway and stared intently and the whorls in the old wood. "Begin preparations to get that Proving sanctioned, Varric. Let me know what you need from me. I want this over now." Slamming the door open, Hawke ran from the looks being focused on her back and the tears that threatened to break her.

Nodding at the innkeeper as she stepped outside, Hawke leaned against the outside wall and looked up at the night sky. Even though darkness had fallen, the city still bustled with activity. Women peddled their wares in the dark alleyways away from the main paths while armed men looked on from the shadows. Though this did not surprise Marion as she took in the sights around her, the sheer number of people hurrying from stall to stall among the still open vendors did confuse her. It was as if Minrathous had no sense of time. _Perhaps they have no respect for it as the magisters have no respect for anything but their own power_, she thought as she looked around again in disgust. As she studied the people more closely, she began to notice the disproportionate amount of elves in the crowd. All with their heads down and dodging out of the way of any who wore the fine robes of a magister, though those were few.

Slaves. Hundreds of slaves walked the paths back and forth in front of the inn. Some appeared to be restocking the kitchens of their masters' homes, while others seemed to be desperately searching for some small trinket that they were ordered to find to sate their owner's whim. Hawke looked down at the worn stones at her feet._ I wish I knew where Fenris was tonight_, she thought sadly to herself,_ I wonder if he is out there running some ridiculous errand for Danarius or if he looking at the same night sky, sickened with his life in this hell_. She sighed quietly and turned back to the door of the inn to get some rest. There was work to be done come sunrise.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone! Sorry about these chapters being fairly short. As you can tell, most of this is leading up to the main heart of the story so I want to get through it quickly but tell it well. Also, I am trying to put out a chapter for you all at least once every couple days with as few errors as possible. Anyways, hope you enjoy! :)**

Chapter Three

Varric sent out message after message the following morning throughout the revolving door of couriers. Though the plan had sounded simple enough the night before, the application was anything but. There were many rules regarding the details of the challenge. Hawke began to wonder if there were fewer repercussions if she just stormed Danarius' estate and took Fenris. After being assured several times that doing that would be a thoroughly bad idea, Hawke huffed and sat staring at the papers piling up on the desk.

"I had hoped to get this over with today, Varric. This waiting..."

"Hawke, you have got to stop breathing down my neck. Between your pacing and Aveline looking like a caged animal over there, it's a wonder I am accomplishing anything. These Tevinter mages are strict about their rules and decorum. And on top of that, I am also trying to hold off on Danarius finding out we are here until the Proving is sanctioned. If he found out and decided to come after you, there is no protection for you under their laws. He is a high-ranking magister and you are just an upstart foreigner. The only reason we have to jump through all these damn hoops is because the laws here are protecting his sorry hide."

Varric turned back to the paper in his hand as another courier knocked shyly on the doorframe. After quickly scanning this new response, the dwarf sent not only a letter back with him, but also a small pouch of what appeared to be gold. "You are lucky you came with me on that expedition, Hawke. Your wealth is allowing this to move faster, if that makes you feel any better."

"How do you know that man will not just steal Hawke's money? She may have some to spare, but we cannot afford the time involved with having to track down who didn't receive their... bribe." Aveline shifted against the wall as she said the last word. Hawke felt a strong wave of guilt wash over her. When Hawke had decided to head for Tevinter to save Fenris, Aveline had been to first to volunteer to join her. Leaving her post as Captain of the Guard to her husband Donnic, she had completely uprooted her life to follow Hawke once again. Now, Hawke was causing her to be involved with the shady process of bribes and secrets. This was not the life for the straight laced warrior.

"These men are slaves, Aveline." the dwarf said pointedly, "They would not dare cross their masters or any mage for that matter. They know no other way." Aveline looked down at the ground, obviously uncomfortable despite his assurance. Hawke's guilt sharpened and she had to do something to relieve her old friend.

"Aveline, would you mind doing me a small favor? I would like for you to go out into the city and... uh... I need you see if you can find..."

"Bodyguards." Varric chimed in as Hawke struggled to find a task, "With everything that is about to go down, finding some able-bodied warriors to hire to protect Hawke would be a very smart idea. And I know that you, my dear Aveline, would be the best judge of skill and character for such people."

"Anything to get out of this dark hole for a bit. I will look for candidates and be back before sundown for you to review what I find."

Aveline left the room so quickly that the door was shut before Hawke had turned back to Varric. She hated the subterfuge as much as her friend, but there was no way around it. As Varric had said, the details for setting up this challenge had proved difficult indeed. Many of the messenger had returned with rejections from the high-ranking people from which they were trying to gain support. None of the magisters wanted a change of power beyond their current ranks. Several offers had come back asking exuberant amounts for them to _consider_ offering support. It wasn't until much later that evening that they had a real spark of hope.

Their merry band had reassembled back in their room per Varric's urgent summons. Merrill and Isabela walked in carrying several parcels of supplies that they were running low on. Isabela seemed to be carrying most of the load while Merrill struggled with a few smaller packages. Anders had been out gathering books and scrolls on Imperial language and customs. Though they had picked up a bit of Tevene from a merchant on their ship during the voyage, it was amateur at best. He had a large stack of materials on the floor beside him and was studying a scroll in his hand. Aveline had taken Bax, Marion's mabari, with her earlier that day and brought in several scraps of paper detailing the interviews she had conducted to find suitable bodyguards. When Varric walked through the door, the room grew silent and attentive in anticipation for his news.

"It appears that Danarius has a very powerful enemy." The dwarf pulled out a message from his coat, "Apparently, the Black Divine himself is none to pleased with Danarius and his blatant use of blood magic. Now as you all know, even though blood magic is banned in Tevinter, it is far from dead. Magisters here use it widely, but not openly. The Black Divine and the Archon turn a blind eye to it as long as it is done behind closed doors. Well, Danarius apparently believes himself above such rules. He has begun to speak out against the current government and call for a change in leadership and a return to the old ways. As you can expect, the big men in charge are none to happy to see him begin to gain followers. Thus, through the Black Divine's 'generosity', your challenge against Danarius has been sanctioned."

"What is the catch, Varric? Men in power don't give their favor for free. Except to me that is." Isabela smiled mischievously as she crossed her arms.

"Of course you are right, Rivaini. This is riddled with a very large catch. If Hawke is able to defeat Danarius, she must perform a favor for the Divine at a time of his choosing. The message I received clarified that no request for specifics would be answered. Only blind agreement would be accepted. Of course, this also means we would be stuck here until this favor is completed. The message stated that none of us would be allowed to leave the city until the debt is repayed."

Everyone stared in silence at the dwarf as he finished speaking. Hawke knew how lucky she was to be given this offer, but she refused to continue to impose upon the lives of her companions. "This is not merely my decision, my friends. You have each given up so much to aid me these last several years. I will continue to search for another way to take down Danarius. Your freedom is just as important to me as Fenris'."

"Do not worry about me, Hawke. I will be by your side for as long as you will have me. It is the least I can offer after your help with the... project... And with my... clan. You all are my family now." Merrill smiled largely as she walked over and placed her tiny hand on Hawke's shoulder.

One by one the rest of her companions agreed and stood beside her until only one remained. Anders.

Shaking with rage, he stood with his fists clenched at his sides. "You know I will aid you in any way I can. But this elf... He is going to destroy you as you quest to save him! Do not ask me to be happy to help him do that."

Pushing past the group around Hawke, Anders left the room and slammed the door behind him. As the rest of them let out the breath they had been holding, Hawke looked at the misfits standing around her. Her life had been anything but easy and they had all stood by her through the darkest times. With Carter and her mother dead and Bethany in the Deep Roads with the Wardens, Merrill was right. They were all family to her now.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Hawke stood in the middle of the arena watching the wall opposite from her. Her opponent had yet to make an appearance and every fiber of her body screamed at her to run. Clenching her fist tighter around her staff, she shuffled her feet to try and loosen her stance. She repeated her strategy over and over in her head. In one of the many books that Anders had searched through, there had been a weakness for Tevinter trained mages that Hawke fully intended to exploit. Now all she had to do was wait for the moment to use it.

All around her sat the magisters and high ranking apprentices of the city. To them, this was an entertaining sport to preoccupy them for a short while. She could hear the voices of men taking bets on the outcome and feel the intense gazes as she was sized up. With her average height plus her messy black hair and practical, but plain, tunic and leggings, Hawke stood out sharply against the air of frivolous excess the magisters gave off like a stench. Even her staff was so starkly different from the elaborately carved staves of the growing crowd. She was sure many of them wondered how magic could be worked with a polearm, but she would not keep them wondering for long. In the seats directly behind her sat her companions, guarded closely to insure no interference. Even though the challenge had been sanctioned and the rules gone over in minute detail, the guards of the city could not trust a foreigner to fight with honor. Hawke almost laughed at the idea of the Imperium valuing honor.

Hawke focused her eyes back on the door before her as it began to open. It felt like ages to her since the last time she had seen Danarius and she felt old fear threaten to swallow her whole. As he stepped into the arena, she reminded herself that he was only a man, not the monster her nightmares had constructed. A flash of white hair caught her eye behind the magister and Hawke struggled to keep her eyes on her opponent._ I must not look at him_, she thought desperately, _I cannot afford to allow myself to be distracted_. As she watched the figure move to the seats opposite her companions, Hawke's resolve slipped and she looked directly at the man for whom she fought so fiercely. Fenris sat upon the edge of the bench with his customary broadsword strapped to his back. He glanced quickly around the room, checking for unseen enemies before his gaze settled on her. His eyes narrowed, but the expression was not one of recognition. It was one of hatred. Tears sprung to her eyes and her vision began to swim and blur. _No..._ Danarius's boisterous laugh brought Hawke's attention immediately back to the evil man facing her and she blinked to rid herself of the tears.

"I would have thought my letter was clear, _Serah_ Hawke. Don't tell me he is the reason you have gone through all of this trouble! It would take but a word from my lips and he would slay both you and your pathetic friends." Danarius gestured vaguely at the seats behind her, "You dared to challenge me? You could not defeat me before, yet I spared your life. Why do you throw it away at my feet yet again?"

"Spare me the theatrics, Danarius. If you are so sure you will be the victor, then let's get this started." Hawke spun her staff and pointed the blade at his face.

_-This is just another battle. He is a blood mage and a criminal. Don't think about anything more_.- Just as she settled back into her stance, the Proving Master began his long speech before beginning the match. More posturing about honor and tradition. Hawke ignored the empty words and only focused on Danarius. He was relaxed and spent the time fixing his elegant robe about himself and picking imaginary dirt from his billowing sleeve. After the speech, the arena grew silent as the crowd leaned forward in their seats. -_Bloodthirsty demons...-_ Suddenly, the Proving Master called for them to begin.

Mere seconds after the words left the official's mouth, Hawke found herself on the defensive. Safely behind his shield, Danarius fired one burst of magic after another in her direction. Though he was using common enough fire, ice and nature spells, he switched his attacks at random. Unable to properly retaliate against the ever changing barrage, it was all Hawke could do to dance around the flat ground of the arena floor looking for an opening. As she dodged, she slowly worked her way closer and closer to Danarius to set her plan into motion.

As she waited for his power to wane, Hawke's evasions became slow and clumsy. She began to throw up quick barriers in order to avoid the attacks as she continued to move. After one such instance, the constant attacks paused for a moment with no apparent cause. She spared a glance up at the magister, sensing for a trick, and pushed the sweat-soaked hair from her eyes. Though he did not appear outwardly winded, Hawke could see perspiration dripping into the high neck of his stiff robes and his staff shook slightly in his white knuckled grasp.

"My dearest Hawke, this is hardly a duel with you just running around. You cannot hope to kill me with dancing." His mouth twisted into a mocking smile as he raised his staff once more. This time, when he attacked, he did not spare the mana required for the shield. Seeing her chance, Hawke rolled forward under the spike flying toward her and shot a fireball toward his chest. Realizing what was happening almost too late, Danarius threw himself to his left to try and avoid the attack. Instead of hitting his chest, the flames wrapped around his arm holding his staff. A strangled cry of pain rang out in the arena followed by the smell of burnt flesh. Danarius dropped his elaborate wooden staff as it burst into flames and cradled his injured hand to his chest. From the corner of her eye, Hawke saw Fenris tense in his seat and a nearby guard stepped closer to him to keep him in his seat.

"Very clever... Hawke. Your barbarian style of magic is very amusing. However, I am done playing games with you. This ends now."

Out of his long robe sleeve, Danarius pulled a lethal looking dagger out and held it above his ruined hand at the wrist. In one quick motion, he severed the blackened skin and bone from his arm. Crimson blood rushed out onto the dry packed dirt of the floor and he smiled maliciously in Hawke's direction. Shouts began ringing from the stands as the crowd realized what was about to happen. Arena guards stood around the perimeter, ready to end the duel if given the order. From their shrouded box where they observed the battle, both the Divine and the Archon remained silent. They would wait to see how this played out and who would be victorious. They would not come to her aid, despite the despicable magic about to spring forth in their presence.

As Danarius' laugh once again filled the air, shades began pouring from the ground and lunging for Hawke in blind obedience to their summoner's wishes. With even the last reserves of her strength starting to fade, Hawke twisted and slashed at the evil demons and pushed back wave after wave. One step at a time, she worked her way back toward her opponent, fatigue weighing down her every move. As time wore on, there seemed to be no end to the creatures and she wondered if she had any hope of stopping them all. Pain sliced through her back as the talons of one of the creatures raked across her shoulders. Falling to her knees, Hawke felt the demons closing in around her as they smelled the blood streaming down her back and dripping to the floor. Vaguely, she heard a male voice call out her name from somewhere behind her. Slamming her staff into the ground with a cry, a fire blast shot out from her in a circle, slamming into the demons. All around her, the shades screeched as the erupted into dark, noxious clouds of ash. Hawke leaned her weight heavily upon her staff and brought herself to her feet once more.

The shockwave from the powerful explosion had sent Danarius flying backward to the floor and interrupted his summoning as he cried out again in pain. Stumbling and then running forward in a final burst of energy, she flipped her staff in his direction. An ice spell slammed into his shoulder and arm and held his bleeding stump to the ground while also stopping the flow of blood for his magic. As she reached him, Hawke placed the tip of her blade against his gasping throat. Danarius turned his head and looked up at her with a snarl.

"You should never have crossed me, Danarius. I was weak once and you harmed someone dear to me. I will show you no mercy for what you have done!"

In his last act of defiance, Danarius spat onto her staff just before she plunged the blade through his throat.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

_-The bedroom in the Hawke estate was dim with only the dying embers from the hearth to give it life. A spattering of stars could be seen over the rooftops of Hightown outside the high, narrow window. Hawke opened her eyes slowly and gazed up at her familiar canopy, wondering for a moment how she had gotten back to her former home. Though the night was almost cold, she was warm under the thick blankets and shifted deeper into the mattress. As she turned, she caught a bit of the cool breeze under the sheets and shivered as she snuggled even farther into the warmth of the soft bed. From beside her, a lean, muscled arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her flush to an equally muscled body. Startled from her drowsy state, Hawke pulled her head back to find who was here so close to her._

_As she searched for a face, Hawke felt a masculine jaw rub against her neck and firm lips began a slow trail from her her ear to shoulder. Sighing softly in pleasure, she reached her hand up to run her fingers through the man's hair, not noticing the pointed ears just above her touch. As he continued his gentle assault, she realize she could feel every inch of her bare skin that touched the man. Suddenly, Hawke was rolled over onto her back and the glow of the fire caught the man's face in profile. A shock of pure white hair laid messily upon his forehead and there was a slight smile on his lips as he leaned in as if to kiss her._

_Dropping her hand suddenly, Hawke stared in disbelief at the face before mere inches from her own. "Fenris? How... How are you here?"_

_Fenris looked down at her and began to frown in confusion. She watched as his mouth opened in some form of response, but no sound came from his lips. When she didn't respond to his apparent question, his face became more strained as he began to try and yell at her. Still unable to hear his words, Hawke reached her hand toward his face once more. However, Fenris smacked her hand away sharply and continued to silently yell in her face. Hopeless tears began to stream down her face as she turned her face away from the anger that now spread across his expression._

_"Hawke..."_

_A whisper of a voice floated to her ears. The sound was such a sharp contrast to the harshness she was expecting that she snapped her face back to look at Fenris. But instead of his face, she saw only darkness. Her room in Kirkwall fell away and Hawke lay suspended in a blank sea of emptiness. She was so tired and the gentle sway of her floating existence calmed her frayed nerves. As immeasurable time slipped by, a sense of wrongness snaked into her consciousness. There was something more than this empty space. Something more she was supposed to be a part of. But as she concentrated on the source of this feeling, it only slid further from her grasp._

_"Mistress Hawke..."_

_Her once weightless body jerked with recognition. That voice. Hawke struggled against the now oppressive darkness. That voice knew what the wrongness was. It could tell her. She fought harder and harder against the fatigue in her mind. It would be so much easier to relax, it told her. So much simpler. Just to sleep and float forever.-_

"No!"

Hawke's companions watched helplessly as their leader thrashed upon the large bed. Anders sat in the chair closest to her, his face gaunt with exhaustion from his attempts to heal her wounds. On the opposite side of the bed stood Fenris. As Hawke was his new owner, it was his duty to protect her as he had been unable to do for Danarius. His gauntlet clad hands bunched into tight fists at his sides. He was helpless to aid her in this state. The elf felt both hatred and relief at the death if his former Master. Fenris had failed in his duty to keep him safe, though he was gladdened to finally be free of the devilish man. As he looked down at the seemingly fragile woman upon the bed, he wondered what new devil had taken hold of his life.

As time passed and his Mistress' spasms slowed until she merely lay gasping face down on the bed, Fenris could not shake the sense of recognition as he looked upon the group around him. It first hit him during the Proving the previous day. As they had travelled from his Master's estate to the Grounds, Danarius had warned him that this Hawke had been an enemy of his long ago. He had told Fenris to be on his guard against her wiles. "She stole something quite valuable to me once, Danarius had said darkly, "and she fights to steal it once more." When he had sat in the lowly seat given to him as a witness for his Master, Fenris had felt a flush of hatred for this woman. But now, watching her fight death, he felt a sense of desperation. A need to wrap his arms around her and protect her from this world. Shaking himself sharply, Fenris took a stumbling step back from the bed. -_What foul magic does this woman cast upon me?!-_

"Fenris," the elf looked at the male mage, the one who had been attempting to heal his new Mistress, "Try to call to her again. She reacted to you before. Perhaps it will be enough to pull her back once more."

His slave instincts kicked in, recognizing an order from a mage, despite his desire to remove himself from the odd feeling the Mistress gave him. Walking back as close as he dared, Fenris called her name once more.

"Mistress Hawke, are you able to hear me?"

Hawke's body tensed once more upon the bed. However, instead of thrashing about as she had before, she began to roll over onto her injured back. Fenris acted without thinking and grabbed her upper arm just as she made it to her right side. She paused instantly at his touch. Flinching as her realize he had physically touched her, his lyrium tattoos flashed in expectation of pain. But it never came. Her skin was soft and warm with fever beneath the palm of his hand. There was no burning pain, not even a sting. Fenris stared down in awe at the mage woman before him. Since his first memory of receiving his cursed markings, he knew intimately the acute pain that accompanied physical contact. Though the marks ached constantly, the sharp agony that came with touching them taught him to avoid the act at almost all costs. As he removed his hand from her arm, Fenris realized her touch had stopped the throbbing pain as well. The moment he broke the small connection, the constant pain creeped back into his hand. Bringing his hand before his face, he stared at is and examined it like some foreign creature.

"Fenris...? Are your really here?"

When he heard his name spoken, Fenris looked down into the startling blue eyes of his Mistress. The look she gave him was almost tangible. Tears began to gather in her eyes and she raised her hand to him. Realizing his error a moment too late, he dropped promptly to his knees and bowed his head. "Forgive me, Mistress." He waited patiently for the punishment for his brazen act of looking his Mistress in the eye.

Groaning with pain, Hawke attempted to lean up so that she could have a better look at this peculiar, but real Fenris. -_Why is he kneeling...?_ _He shouldn't be bowing to me...-_ As she settled into an upright position, she began to remember bits and pieces of what had happened._ -I was battling Danarius. After I hit him, he resorted to blood magic. There were shades everywhere. Pain. One sliced open my back. Then I...-_

"Danarius is dead, Varric?" Hawke looked at the dwarf who now stood at the foot of her elaborate bed. It was in this moment that she realized that she was not in her room at the around her sat furniture carved with intricate designs and anything that could be gilded with gold had it in every design. -_Danarius' room... Well, my room now...- _Upon the walls around her also hung rich tapestries depicting scenes in vibrant detail. As Hawke examined one if them more closely, she nearly gasped in apprehension. -_Those will have to go immediately. The man was even more wretched than I thought...-_

"Yes ma'am. Right after you fainted, the Proving Master called you the victor after double checking that Danarius was just a corpse. The Archon declared you a full magister with 'all the titles and authority allowed to those privileged with such an esteemed title.'" Varric's impersonation caused Hawke to burst into an uncontrollable bout of giggles. Her back pained her terribly to do so, but the sheer insanity of the situation hit her full on. _I'm a magister of the Tevinter Imperium_, she thought as she continued to laugh,_ a magister in love with a slave who was once free but has forgotten. And I thought the hard part was defeating Danarius._

As her giggles transformed into full blown hysterical laughter, her companions all glanced at Fenris then looked at her with a sad pity in their hearts. Fenris continued to kneel on the floor fighting the urge to sit beside his Mistress and stop her terrible, hollow laughter. It was not his place. He would not fall to this dark spell she has woven around his mind.


	6. Chapter 6

**Alright, this chapter is a bit shorter than I had planned, but this part is important on it's own and will play a HUGE role in the next chapter, which should be much longer (yay! :]) Enjoy!**

Chapter Six

The next morning Hawke woke up to a much different scene than which she had went asleep to the night before. Since the threat of death had passed, the air had felt lighter among her companions, but Hawke's breakdown into hysterics had worried them still. After her laughing had died down and she had fallen into a kind of numb silence, Anders promptly announced that it would be best to allow her to rest for a while. One by one, they each left her chambers and she had gingerly laid back onto the bed and had drifted into a restless sleep in solitude. When she looked across the room after waking up, she saw that she was far from alone any longer. Sitting on the floor immediately next to her closed door was a sleeping Fenris. Freezing instantly, Hawke watched him in fascination. Even when he had travelled with her, catching him asleep was a very rare sight to behold. His sword lay unsheathed next to him, behind his relaxed arm so that it was hard to steal but easy for him to grab. His right knee was bent almost to his chest and the left laid curled in front of it with both hands palm down on each thigh. His head rested gently back upon the wall behind him and he breathed silently. She examined his pose like a woman starved and leaned forward ever so slightly. To her horror, the bed chose to creak with the most unearthly sound in that specific spot in that exact moment. In that same moment, Fenris jumped to his feet and flared his lyrium to life. Between the noise and the sudden movement, Hawke's reflexes decided they could handle no more and she tumbled gracelessly to the floor with a squeal. A flash of blue appear before her eyes and suddenly her protector crouched over her. Hawke threw her hand over mouth to hold in another squeal and her adrenaline rush began to die down after a moment. Once again, she could not resist the laughter that overwhelmed her, though this time it was filled with genuine mirth and a bit of embarrassment.

Fenris released his hold on his lyrium markings as he found no immediate danger to his Mistress. Placing his sword in the sheath across his back, Fenris heard the most musical sound he had every heard come from his Mistress. She was laughing once again at his actions, though it was not the empty laughter from the night before. He turned around to look down at her in confusion. Though her laughter had not lead to the pain he was used to receiving from Danarius, a part of his mind was still on edge. However, there was a tiny voice in his mind that began to laugh with her, was happy and carefree with her. Gritting his teeth again the bewitchment yet again, Fenris dropped into a low bow upon his knees and dropped his eyes to the floor.

"I do not know what I have done to amuse you, Mistress. I apologize if I have done anything to disappoint or embarrass you."

Her laughing cut off suddenly and he heard her groan quietly in pain as she shifted position. Again, the urge to aid and comfort her was nearly overwhelming, but Fenris had not received permission to move or look at her so he remained still upon the floor._ -I am her slave. I am not worthy of touching her and I have done it once too many times already.-_

Ever so gently, Hawke placed a hand under Fenris' chin and tilted his head up towards her. He flinched but did not move away. Hawke felt a slight tremble pass through his body as she kept her hand upon his face. She knew of his aversion to touch during their many talks over the years, but she could not have resisted the action if her life has depended on it. Hawke could not bear to see him bow to her, not like he had to that wretched man Danarius. "Please, do not call me that, Fenris. You are not a piece of property to me."

Since he did not know how to respond to this request, Fenris avoided looking into her eyes directly as he responded to what he was sure was a test, "I am your slave, Mistress. I will protect you and perform any task you require of me. My loyalty is yours now to do as you wish and I will gladly act without hesitation to your commands." The words rang hollow in his ears as he spoke them. Rage began to flow through him and he prayed to any and every god or goddess that she could not tell his defiance.

"That is bullshit, Fenris. You hate your slavery and would heed no 'command' gladly from me or anyone for that matter. It is a wonder you have not tried to escape this horrid life before now." -_Please let him remember...- _"Do not feed me these placations like a cowed slave. I know you are not one." Dropping her hand from his chin, Hawke stared at him hard in the eye. She wanted so much for him to remember their time together, his previous escape from this life. But she knew she had to take her time with him. Fenris was naturally distrustful of any magic user and would only see her explanation as a trick. He had to remember on his own. -_By the Maker, let there be something left of my Fenris in there somewhere...-_

Fenris' eyes widened at his Mistress' ourburst. _How could she see through me so easily?_ He thought in desperation, _Who is this foreign woman? How does she know so much?_

Hawke finally gave up on him speaking as Fenris stared at her in stunned silence. Bringing herself stiffly to her feet, she extended her hand to help the still kneeling elf to his feet. Hawke stayed silent as she watched the internal struggle play behind Fenris' eyes. She wanted for him to take her hand by his own choice and did not want to influence him with a perceived command. The moment dragged on with neither him choosing a path nor her giving in.

_What do I do here?_ Fenris' mind raced in a panic as he looked into the palm of her hand. _I can't figure out this mage and her strange demeanor. She behaves as though she knows me, but I have never been in her presence before the challenge. Is this another test? Does she want me to show that I am dependent on her mercy or does she want to see how well I have been trained by my former Master? Which path will lead to punishment or will she decide like Danarius and there is no correct answer and I am doomed to pain either way?_

"There is no catch, Fenris. I am simply being polite, from one person to another. Either take my hand or stand on your own. You will not find punishment by from me. But you need to decide for I need to attend to this mess Danarius has left to me as soon as possible. The day is passing me by."

Unsure whether he did it because it would have been wrong in Danarius' eyes or because he was curious to try out the power of her touch once more, Fenris took her hand. No pain. Relief washed through his body as the ambient pain faded as well as he focused on her touch. His Mistress smiled at him and pulled him to his feet despite the wince from straining the mending tendons in her back. Happiness danced behind her eyes and Fenris felt as if he had passed his test. Bowing his head out of habit, he could not stop the smallest of smiles from tilting his lips.

"Now, will you escort me around this ungodly large estate, my strong protector?" And the smile grew.


	7. Chapter 7

**I am so sorry this took so long for me to post! Work... always getting in the way. And I want to thank everyone who has reviewed and followed this story. I very much appreciate it and I look forward to giving you the rest of this story! Anyway, enjoy! :)**

Chapter Seven

Before Hawke was able to receive her tour, she was stopped outside of her door by a short, elderly human who fell into a deep bow at the sight of her. Fenris immediately released her hand and moved slightly to the side and behind her. He fell back into the submissive stance Hawke had seen from all the slaves she had met thus far. All the progress she felt she had made dissolved away in an instant. Her heart cracked just a little more as Hawke realized just how far they had to go. Frowning slightly, she decided to let it go for now and turned her attention to the older man.

"I am Garin, Mistress. I was the house keeper for the late Mas... I mean, for your predecessor. I would be honored if you would permit me to serve you as well." Though she was not sure how it was possible, Garin fell into an even deeper bow than before. Hawke thought she saw a slight tremble beginning to run through the man as his old bones fought to hold the position. Stepping forward, Hawke placed a tentative hand on Garin's shoulder. He flinched so hard at her touch that she thought for a moment those bones had finally shattered. -_What did Danarius DO to these poor people that they are so terrified of me?-_

"Garin, please stand," Hawke bent down to one knee so that her face was level with the crown of his bent head. She continued to speak in a slow soft voice as if speaking to a scared child, "You will meet not pain by my hand. You have nothing to fear from me. I am not Danarius. And it is _I_ who is honored to have you serve me here in this place."

Behind her, Fenris watched her in fascinated silence. -_Who is this foreign woman?- _He wondered for what felt like the thousandth time. He didn't understand her actions. This was a magister, their owner and Mistress. She should not be on her knees before a house slave. This was not the proper way. There must be a trick. Despite his protesting mind, Fenris did not speak to her. He was curious to watch his new, strange Mistress continue.

Hawke waited patiently for Garin to absorb her words. She would stay on her knees all day if that is what it took for the people of this house to understand her intent. She would not continue the actions of that dead monster. Things were going to change. The old man's shoulder began to shake as he fought to keep his sobs silent. Slowly, Garin tilted his head up to cautiously look into. Hawke's eyes. She immediately smiled brightly and stood. As she did just moments before, she offered her hand to this man to help him stand. Unlike Fenris, Garin stood without touching her, but a small smile shown through the still falling tears.

"Thank you, Mistress. I do not deserve your great kindness."

"Nonsense. You are as much a person as I am and all people deserve kindness. I would as a favor of you though, if I may."

Garin instantly dropped back into his bow, though this time it seemed straighter, prouder. "Of course, Mistress. Anything you require."

"Well, I suppose I have two things to ask of you. First, stop calling me Mistress. Call me Hawke, please. Second, I am about to go on a tour of the estate with Fenris. Could you ask all the members of the house to meet me in... the most convenient room in the mansion in an hour so that I may meet them all in person."

"Oh my! Of course, you would like to inspect your new possessions. I forget my duties, Mistress! I will gather all of the slaves into the main dining hall at the time you have requested."

Hawke sighed heavily, "Remember, Garin. It's Hawke, not Mistress. And you are not possessions. But thank you. I will see you in a hour's time."

Without saying another word, Garin quickly left to complete his task. Unbeknownst to Hawke, with every slave the old man gathered, word spread through the estate of the odd Mistress and her ways. A kind of cautious excitement spread through the house as they all prepared to meet her.

Danarius' estate seemed massive to Hawke as she was guided through another endless corridor. She travelled outward from the master suite and was shown bedroom after bedroom, several lounges and two separate ballrooms. According to Fenris, this mansion was considered fairly small by Tevinter standards but that she now owned land throughout the Imperium, though he did not know of all the locations. Every room was extravagant and felt overdone compared to Hawke's standards. Gold gilded everything and horrid tapestries covered every available wall. She hated it all and made mental notes to change things starting as soon as possible. Eventually, Fenris lead her to what he announced was the guest wing which he assured Hawke was separate than the main quarters that they had just explored. -_What in Thedas would I need with so many rooms on my own? I though those WERE the guest rooms before...-_

"Hawke!" Merrill ran at Hawke from a doorway as she passed. Wrapping tiny elven arms around her, Merrill squeezed her and mumbled incoherently of how happy she was to see Hawke okay and walking. Wincing and she peeled Merrill's hands off of her still smarting back, Hawke looked up at the rest of her companions standing in the hall.

"It is good to see you too, Merrill."

Behind her still, Fenris was once again in a state of shock at the manner and actions of his Mistress. Unable to decide on a proper response, he just stared stunned at the elf woman embracing her. Surely his Mistress would reprimand this woman and then life would make sense again.

"Glad to see you up and kicking, Hawke." Varric crossed his arms and leaned against the wall with a smirk.

"Yes, Hawke. Without you around, we run out of trouble to start pretty quickly." Isabela swayed over to a luxurious chair along the wall of the hall and spawled out. Hawke heard a slight intake of breath behind her. This made her chuckle. Fenris had been condemning of Isabela's... easy... ways in the beginning. A flicker of reckless hope flashed through Hawke. -_Fenris will be gambling, and losing terribly, with Isabela and Varric again in no time at all.-_

This Merrill had backed away from his Mistress finally, but no punishment had come for her lack of propriety. Now, the innocent looking elf was staring over at him with an expression Fenris could not place. Several times, her mouth opened as if to speak; however, she would just wring her hands and look back at the Mistress. As he looked around, all of his Mistress' companions seemed to be avoiding his gaze or sneaking glances from the corner of their eyes. Even the proud warrior who he knew had stood guard over the Mistress' bedroom was staring shyly at the floor.

An awkward silence fell over the group as they seemed to be waiting for someone to tell them what to do next. This surprised Fenris. Ever since this group had come into his home with a severely injured new Mistress, each one had been a whirlwind. The house slaves had been running since the moment they had arrived handing out orders for supplies to heal and aid their leader. Now, they were staring at her like lost children. This thought caused Fenris to frown. -_How can these weak people protect the Mistress? They can barely fend for themselves!-_

As Hawke floundered to find the words to reassure her friends, Fenris surprised her by stepping up level to her and bowed. "Mistress, the slaves of the estate are gathering to meet you as we speak. It is of course your time to spend as you please. However, you had seemed quite interested in inspecting them. After your approval, they can then continue preparing the feast celebrating your victory. They would not wish to disgrace you with ill prepared food, Mistress."

"Oh! Yes, I had almost forgotten! Wait... Feast? What feast? They don't need to worry themselves with making me a special meal! I have already upset the balance of this household enough as it is." Seeing her escape, Hawke nodded at each of her friends in the hall and began walking back the way she had come. Although she was unsure whether this was the right direction to go, she could not bear the looks of pity any longer. They had all agreed that this was the bast course if action, but it was harder than Hawke had anticipated to not see Fenris as he was before. She had to stay strong no matter what. She had come to Minrathous with a mission and she would see it through.

Following behind Hawke as she almost ran from the corridor, Fenris weighed what had just happened. The looks he had received were suspicious and put Fenris on edge. These people, including his Mistress, were hiding something. Upon coming to this realization, his reaction was a mix of relief and, to his surprise, betrayal. Relief because this was something he was used to. Secrets and well-spoken lies were the norm in his life and he now felt he had a handle on how to respond. Betrayal because sometime during his brief time of knowing her, his Mistress had begun to convince him she was different somehow. -_Mages are all the same...-_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Danarius had more slaves than Hawke had expected. The dining hall, one of the largest rooms that she had seen in the estate, was filled to the walls. Men, women of all ages, elven and a handful of humans, stood in orderly rows. Even a few children stood between the adults. As Hawke entered the room, every single slave bowed their head and looked to the floor. A few of the slaves that were taller than her fell to a knee for her inspection. The rooms silence was eerie, not even the young children made a sound. Hawke could feel the nervous energy as they all seemed to be waiting for her to speak. Silence dragged on as she fought to compose herself after running into her companions.

Straightening her spine, Hawke stepped forward to speak. "Thank you all for meeting here at such short notice. I want you all to be aware that there will be some dramatic changes in the running of this house now that I am here. From what I have been told and have seen, it will not be easy for some of you to adjust to these changes."

As she spoke, Fenris gazed around the room at the other slaves. Every set of shoulders in the room seemed to sag further as the Mistress spoke. Fenris had suspected that Garin had not kept his mouth shut about the kindness that he had been shown earlier that day. He was disappointed in these wretches. To place their hopes in the hands of a magister, to think that she would be different because she was simply LESS cruel than Danarius had been. It was foolish.

Hawke also saw the change in the crowd as she spoke and hastened to get her point across to them more quickly. "Do not misunderstand me, good people. I am not saying this very well, or clearly for that matter. Where I come from, there are no slaves. People do not own one another. It is a practice that I am not comfortable with nor will I tolerate lightly. But I do understand how the system works here, and I will not throw you all out onto the street with nothing. I am, however, offering you a choice. You may all stay here, if you wish, under my protection. You will be servants, not slaves. You will be compensated for your work. I am also offering the choice to any of you to leave if you wish. I will aid you in any way I am able. Freed slaves have little to no standing here in Tevinter and I will not allow anyone in my charge to suffer."

Every set of eyes in the room was now focused on her face. All sense of standing was lost and several people in the crowd were beginning to sob openly. Hawke continued before she lost her nerve, "I will offer safe passage to any who wish to leave this despicable nation. Wherever you would like to go. Please consider all that I have said today and think on what you want for your lives. As I said, I understand that this will be difficult for many of you to grasp as this has been your role for your entire life. You are all dismissed for the rest of the evening. Do not worry about cleaning, or cooking, or any other duty that is your duty to complete. I will take care of myself. These hours are yours. I will speak with you all in the morning."

Fenris watched his Mistress leave the room and even he was too stunned to follow. As soon as the door had shut behind her, whispers turned into conversations among the newly freed slaves of the house. Garin stood among them talking and gesturing with a large smile on his face. -_What does this mage woman hope to accomplish with this act? It must be another test, to see who is loyal to her household. Danarius would do this as well, a game to weed out stupid hope from the weak of his possessions. However, she is more cunning. Making that show with Garin this morning has given credibility to her statements and more will fall for her poison than Danarius' tricks. I will not be fooled.-_

Hawke walked quickly back to her room, happy that she remembered the way. She knew that it would take some time for those people to accept what she had told them. She had seen the disbelief and suspicion in their eyes. Though she wished to continue to reassure them, Hawke wanted them to make the decision based on their desires, not her convincing. If it were up to her, she would send them all away from this place, to Fereldan or the Free Marches and raze this estate to the ground. But as Fenris had told her several times a long time ago, she could never see the world through a slave's eyes. Though it disgusted her to think of people as property, that was all many of them saw themselves as. Since she was to be stuck in Tevinter for an indefinite time, Hawke determined that allowing them the choice of staying would be the best course. Hopefully, when the time came and they adjusted to a new kind of life, they would all choose to leave when she did.

The pain in Hawke's back began to creep back into the forefront of her mind. Limping gingerly to the bed, she slowly peeled off the dark robe she had covered her bandages with before she had left with Fenris that morning. There was a slight tug on the skin of her back as the silk came away from her spine. Hawke pulled the robe close to her face and saw a slight darkening of the material in the center of the back piece. _I must have bled through my bandages..._ The thought of calling Anders to help heal her back flashed through her mind, but she banished it immediately. She was not in dire need and seeing him while her emotions were still so frayed did not appeal to her. Hawke knew keenly of the feelings the other mage had for her and of his despise for the man she had chosen instead. They had reopened that argument enough times since her decision to save Fenris and did not feel like doing it again.

_-Rest. That is the best thing for me right now. Get some sleep and figure out how to handle this mess later.-_ Hawke laid face down on her bed, still wearing her trousers and the bandages wrapped around her torso. The pillow was billowy and covered in a soft, smooth silk. She hated it, but was to tired to care.

Several minutes later, a knock sounded on Hawke's door. When no answer came after a few moments, the door opened slowly then closed behind the visitor. Fenris entered the room and caught sight of his Mistress laying on the bed. At first, he was alarmed at the large, dark crimson spot upon her and thought her dead. But as he stepped closer, he saw her back rise and fall evenly and realized her to be merely sleeping. _That wound is worse than she is letting on,_ he thought with surprise, _She leaves herself vulnerable at a time when she is injured. The door was not even locked._

Fenris gracefully moved next to the bed and looked down at the Mistress. Thoughts of ending her life right there began to take root in his mind. _Then her tricks would end._ He shook his head sharply through the rage._ -I am a slave and this is my Mistress. I cannot allow such rebellious thoughts. She is a mage, but I should be glad of the restraint she has shown. I know my place better than any of those bumbling fools in this house. I know the power the magisters hold. The death of one or two does not change my fate. I would merely be hunted and cut down like a rabid dog.-_

Still, the thought of freedom enticed him more and more the longer he gazed upon her. Slowly, he began to reach out to touch her once again. His curiosity with her touch had not waned since that morning. Her very presence was changing something in him, and he did not like the chaos she was creating within his soul. Not since the Fog Warriors had he entertained such thoughts. But his master had found him then, his freedom had been short-lived after he had struck the Warriors down. Nothing had altered, his life was set in stone. As his thoughts wandered back to his days in Seheron, Fenris felt his palm brush the bare skin of his Mistress' arm.

_-"You could make a home here."_

_"I could see myself staying - for the right reasons."-_

Fenris jerked back quickly and fell to the rug beside the bed. The voices faded into the depths of his mind and his breath began to come in pants. -_What was that? It sounded like my voice and... this woman's? Surely this must be her spell again! I...-_ Fenris focused harder on what was now just a whisper in his mind. Like an old memory just outside of his grasp. A fireplace. Moonlight through holes in a ceiling. His Mistress' face looking at him. -_What is all of this?!-_

Fenris quietly fled out of the room, careful not to wake the sleeping mage, and headed down the hall. As he turned the corner to the guest quarters, he ran the words of the vision through his head once more. This would not stand. He would have answers.


	9. Chapter 9

**Whew! Holidays! Sorry this took a few extra days to post! Side note, to all who have been reading this for a while, I have made a slight change. All inner thought now begin and end with a "-". Italics do not show on all platforms and I realized how confusing it must be when I do not state it as a thought. **

**Enjoy!**

Chapter Nine

The door to the dwarf's quarters slammed open in as Fenris pushed his way past it. Sitting at a writing desk against the wall, Varric jumped slightly and turned to look over his shoulder at the cause of the disturbance. The tension was thick as Fenris searched for the words that would give him the answers he sought. He was not sure he could trust the dwarf or anything that he told him, but he was not a mage and seemed to be the one with the most information of the group. -_That's what I want. Information._- Fenris took another step into the room and shut the door behind him, much more quietly than he had entered.

"I can't give you what you are about to ask me for, elf."

Varric adjusted his chair so that he was facing Fenris. Somehow, this small action paired with his words sent anger coursing through Fenris' body. -_So there is a secret. Of course there is. There always is.-_ "I detest games, dwarf. And I detest lies even more so. You can give me the information I have come here for. You are choosing to hide it."

"I am aware of your hatred for those things. There are no lies, however. Hawke merely asked us all to let her speak with you on this particular subject. We have all given her our oaths to be silent." A deep sigh came from the dwarf as he stood and walked over to the sitting area near the fireplace of his room. "That being said, I am willing to answer anything that does not go against her request, if that is what you wish. But be warned, her request was quite broad."

Varric took a seat on one of the high-backed chairs and gestured for Fenris to sit opposite him. The elf slowly walked to the offered chair and took a seat, his eyes flicking between the door and the dwarf's face. Slaves were not allowed to sit on any of the expensive furniture and he waited for a reprimand for accepting the offer. Instead, Varric leaned back into the chair and laced his fingers on his knee. The expectant look the dwarf gave him stunned Fenris into silence. -_Where do I start? Better yet, what will this sly dwarf actually tell me? Will he lie if I ask something forbidden?_-

"Go ahead and shoot, Fenris"

"Why are you here?" The question blurted from Fenris' mouth before he had the proper time to think it over.

"That is close to what I cannot say. Hmm... We are here for something that was taken from Hawke. It is very precious to her and was taken from her by that soulless bastard, Danarius, while we were in Kirkwall."

"Kirkwall?" A note of suspicion crept into Fenris' voice, "I know you are telling falsehoods now, dwarf. I accompanied Mas... Danarius on his trip to Kirkwall and we never encountered your band."

Another sigh. "You don't have to believe me. Hell, you don't have to sit here and listen. But I AM telling you the truth."

"Fine. Assuming you are not lying, what did he steal from you?"

This made the dwarf laugh, but it seemed thin to Fenris' ears. Less like mirth and more like a deflection. "Oh he did not steal from me, elf! It was specifically Hawke who felt the loss the greatest of us all. She is the one wronged the most by Danarius. But I will not tell you what he stole. It is not my place."

Frustration bubbled deep within Fenris. "Why hide these things from a slave? I am of no consequence, nor am I able to stand between the Mistress and this item of hers. Why go through all the trouble of hiding your intentions? Better yet, why go through the trouble of formally challenging Danarius? He was a very powerful mage, I will afford him that. Surely this item is not worth your lives."

"To her, yes it was." A voice spoke from the now open door. Fenris whipped his head around and watched the male mage who had accompanied his Mistress enter the room. "It was worth every injury, every gold coin, every sleepless night a thousand times over to her. You seek to paint Hawke in the light of your former master. But she will never be him. You hate mages with a passion few others have in their entire lives. But do not mistake Hawke for the monsters you have always known. If you do, elf, you will only harm her further. And none of us will allow you harm her any longer" The mage pointed his now ominously glowing hand in Fenris' direction. "If it were up to me, we would leave this place and you behind and seek refuge away from this accursed city. But Hawke has chosen to take on this mission. But do not misstep, elf. Do not do anything rash or cruel to Hawke or I will kill you in an instant."

"Anders! This is not..." Varric's sentence was cut short as Fenris shot to feet. The lyrium flared bright in the dim room as he unsheathed his sword from his back. Falling into a defensive stance, he held the hilt firmly and let the burning power flow through him.

"I would love to see you try it. Mage or no, I do not fear you."

"Anders! Fenris!" Both men's heads turned toward the door at the sound of Hawke's voice.

Immediately, Anders lowered his hand and bowed his head slightly to her. As he moved to leave the room, Fenris caught him whisper to her, "Forgive me, Hawke."

"So nice of you to visit me, Hawke. Fenris and I were having a nice little chat when Anders decided to join us."

Fenris watched as his Mistress stiffened. Her eyes darted between himself and the dwarf as if searching for a clue. -_What is this? Why is she so desperate for ME to not know?_-

"No, Hawke. I did not tell him. I gave him the most basic answers to the questions he had for me. He knows that we are here for something Danarius stole from you and that it was very precious to you. Beyond that, I told him only you could tell."

Hawke closed her eyes briefly in relief and then turned them back to the elf man in the room. It was still hard for her to look at him and know that he was not the same. -_I will get you back, Fenris._- "Fenris, do you wish to speak with me on something? There was no need to go this far if you have questions."

"My apologies, Mistress." Fenris' slave instincts took over and the wall of control shifted back into place. Sheathing his sword once more, he walked over to her and knelt at her feet. "It is not my place to inquire above my station."

"Oh for the love of..." Hawke reached down and grabbed Fenris by the upper arm. She felt him stiffen then relax at the contact on his skin. She felt bad for a moment as she tugged him back to his feet. "Please accompany me back to my rooms and we will talk. And no more bowing. Or Mistress-ing. I can't stand to hear it anymore. It's Hawke. Just Hawke."

Letting go of his arm, Hawke turned sharply into the hall and began walking back to her chambers. A sense of anxiety creeped into her mind and the thought of the conversation to come. -_How will I convince him? I hoped to have more time! He has barely known me a day without his previous memories! He will never believe me... He has to... But he will never... Damn it all!-_


	10. Chapter 10

**I wanted to thank all of you for your support and reviews! Hope you are all enjoying the story and I look forward to telling you more!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter Ten

The walk back to Hawke's rooms was one of the most tense and awkward moments of her life. She went back and forth with what she was going to say once they reached their destination. Luckily, Fenris stayed well behind her, caught in his own internal struggle. Soon, she turned the corner that led to her private rooms. The corridor seemed both eternal and much too short as Hawke made her way to the door. Just as she was about to reach it, it burst open and slammed against the opposite wall.

Hawke stopped dead in her tracks and Fenris, who was looking at the floor in thought, walked right into her back. For a moment, his arms caught around her waist to steady them both. Hawke's mind shuttered to a halt at the touch and the hallway faded away. Without thinking of her actions, her eyes fluttered shut and she leaned her head against his shoulder. Immediately, Fenris stiffened and recoiled from the touch. His hands fell away from her hips and he turned his head away from her. Realizing her mistake, Hawke straightened herself and fought desperately against the burn of tears that threatened to overtake her. Composed for the most part, she shifted her attention back to the still vibrating door.

Though the moment had felt like an eternity to Hawke, it had only been a few seconds. As she took a tentative step toward the door, she also heard Fenris unsheathe his sword behind her, in preparation for any threat. Suddenly, a small elven woman in layers of flowing robes stomped out from the bedroom doorway. A deep, threatening growl sounded from behind Hawke. The woman had stopped and was staring at the pair of them in what appeared to be shock and possibly fear. Hawke focused more intently on the elaborately made-up face and recognition dawned on her.

"Varania! What are you...?"

"Hawke. I should have known it was you that they spoke of." The elf woman's sharp voice cut interrupted Hawke. Varania's expression had shifted into a look of haughty disgust and Hawke was taken aback at how different the woman sounded from the time they had met before. Then, she had been a former slave, scared and powerless, fighting to claw her way up in the wretched world she was in. Now, Varania had all the smug indifference of a Tevinter magister.

"Do not disrespect your new master, apprentice."

The quiet sentence had passed from Fenris' lips almost without his permission. He could obviously see that there was a past between these two women and had wondered if it had to do with the stolen item. But watching his Mistress stare at this lowly apprentice and allow the elf to talk to her as if her better was too much for him to take. -_Why do I feel the need to protect this foreign mage? She can surely take care of herself with this magister business._-

"Hold your tongue, slave!" Magic flared around Varania's hands as she went to move around Hawke. "YOU are the one who will not speak with such disrespect! I will teach you your lessons once more!"

Faster than even Fenris could follow, his Mistress moved into the approaching woman's path. He watched her gracefully swing her leg out to catch Varania behind the ankles and send her flailing to the ground. In another almost-too-fast movement, the Mistress had pinned the apprentice to the ground with one hand holding the elf's wrists above her head and the other holding a small knife to her throat.

"Get off of me, you barbarian! I am a magister apprentice; I will not be manhandled in such a way!"

"You will not touch him. You are a wicked, traitorous woman, Varania. I do not care if you were the Archon himself. Do not expect to have any power here. You are nothing in my eyes."

Fenris watched this exchange in shock. -_What is the Mistress doing? Why is she defending me like this? And why did she use no magic and resort to physical attacks on her apprentice? Wait! Her movements. They were much too fast to have been without any magical aid. What is this woman?_- "Mistress. Please do not trouble yourself over me. I was out of line to speak to one above me in such a manner. Your apprentice was right to punish me."

With a snort that sounded like a repressed chuckle, Hawke shifted so that she knelt behind Varania with her blade still pressed to her throat. "Lean up, Varania, and do not think to cast a spell or I will slice your throat where you lay."

Letting go of the woman's wrists for a moment, Hawke put her hand under Varania's arm and pulled her to her feet. She then pressed her palm into the middle of the elf's back and began walking her forward and past Fenris. "Please accompany me if you would, Fenris."

Fenris followed his Mistress and the continued to the front entrance of the mansion. Sitting in the main foyer was the scantly dressed female pirate. Upon seeing the three of them enter the room, the pirate unsheathed one of her two daggers and glared at Varania. A cruel smile appeared on the companion's face as she spoke."You are one dumb elf for showing up here, Varania. Did you think we had forgotten what you did?"

"You dare speak to me, you Rivaini whore?!"

Immediately, Hawke pressed her dagger harder against Varania's throat and a trickle of red flowed down into her robes. This caused Isabela to chuckle and she moved to open the door for the still advancing pair. As she reached the open door, Hawke moved the blade and shoved her captive through the doorway into the cool, evening air. As she stumbled to catch her balance, Varania's long robes caught around her legs and she fell to her knees on the ground. She then turned and glared at Hawke with a look of pure hatred.

"You are released from your apprenticeship, Varania. I will contact the Senate tonight to finalize my decision. May you rot for all you have done."

With those words, Hawke turned and slammed the door behind her before Varania had a chance to speak. Isabela was now howling with laughter on the bench next to the door.

"Well done, Hawke. Her life is still more that that bitch deserves, but humiliation is a good second choice."

"Isabela." The cold bite of Hawke's voice caused Isabela to stop laughing instantly. "Please go to Varric and tell him to send the proper correspondence for breaking the apprenticeship. I do not wished to be bothered for the rest of the evening."

"Yeah, no problem Hawke." Isabela then moved to complete her task and Hawke felt her shoulders relax just a notch. She then began her trek back to her chambers and she was sure that Fenris followed her once again.

Once they returned to the bedroom, Fenris watched his Mistress immediately enter the closet, which the slaves had emptied and restocked per the dwarf's instructions while the Mistress had been unconscious, and begin rummaging though the clothes. Fenris turned his back to her to give her a bit of privacy. After several minutes, he felt her gaze upon the back of his head and he turned to look at her. Gone was the plain tunic and leggings she had been dressed in as she recovered. In its place was a short, crimson robe that fell midway down her thighs. Upon the breast was a golden crest that Fenris vaguely recognized but could not place.

"Do you still wish to talk to me tonight, Fenris?"

-_Do I? Do I really wish to know what this secret is? Varania obviously knew of it, or was involved in some way by the Mistress' and the pirate's words to her._- Fenris stepped back and knelt before her. "It is not my place to ask questions of you, Mistress. I apologize for my actions earlier when I confronted your companions. Curiosity got the better of me and I allowed it to dictate my actions."

"Do not apologize to me, Fenris. Myself and all of the others understand why you would be curious. I am not handling this well, but I am at a loss for how to change it."

Hawke began pacing back and forth in front of her bed. -_Should I just come out and say it? Will he believe my words?_- As she walked back during the midst of her pacing, her eyes caught on a book lying on the desk against the far wall. Varric had nagged at Hawke while in Kirkwall to allow him to write a book on their adventures. After many times of refusing, she finally caved on the condition that he exaggerate as little as his creative mind would allow. So he did, at least in the copy he gave her. An idea struck her suddenly.

Striding over to the desk, Hawke picked up the book and rubbed its frront image lovingly. Varric had put all of the companion's likenesses in a circle around a likeness of her on the cover. -_This is the best way. Maybe with this he will see that it is true._- She walked back over to where Fenris still knelt and sit on the floor in front of him. Her back smarted slightly at the movement after the strain she had put it under with Varania. Hawke placed the book on the floor between them and waited patiently for Fenris to look at her.

Fenris was confused by his Mistress' actions. After a few moments of looking at the floor, his eyes flicked up to the book she had placed before him. The artwork on the front was beautiful and he found himself studying it intently. All of the Mistress' companions, as well as herself, were depicted. However, there were seven portraits on the cover, not six as there should have been. That's when Fenris saw the top left image in the circle surrounding the Mistress' face. It was an elf man with lyrium markings and stark white hair.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

-_"Let's start with your name, I think that would be best."_

_Fenris sat at a table in a dusty, rundown bedroom. The dim afternoon light filtering through the holes in the ceiling cast shadows over everything. He would probably have to light he fire if he was planning on practicing. His gaze turned to a figure sitting in the chair next to him and had just spoken. Shadows hid the person's face from him, but that was okay. He would know that voice anywhere. It was familiar and warm._

_"Go ahead, Fenris. Practice what you can before the light fades."_

_Fenris looked down at the parchment in front of him. What am I doing again, he thought groggily. What does this voice want me to do? Suddenly, he wasn't so sure who sat beside him. The face and name that had been so vivid in his mind moments ago faded into oblivion. He stared more intently at the paper upon the table. There was a word scrolled perfectly across the top and there were several sloppy attempts at replicating it in rows beneath. Disappointment fluttered through Fenris as he remembered that he couldn't read the word. The person would be let down if he didn't figure out this word._

_But why would they be? I have never been able to understand written words..._

_The room began to fade around the edges until Fenris could no longer make out any shapes around him. He sat in total darkness, and panic began to overwhelm him. They are here somewhere, he thought frantically, I must find them!_

_Fenris began to run through the darkness searching for anything out of place. He didn't really understand why he had to find this mysterious person so badly, but the need controlled him with a fearsome power. Fenris could feel that his goal was so near, but the pitch black abyss stretched endlessly around him._

_"Fenris!'_

_The voice! It was the person! A small pinprick of light appeared far ahead of him and Fenris rushed toward it. As it grew brighter, images began to flash across his vision. A slum courtyard with a painted tree. A group of men chasing him, shouting in Tevene. A rundown estate in the moonlight. Shades and a battle. A woman's cries as spells flashed past him._

_Images passed faster and faster as he picked up his pace. Empty bottles of wine on a table. A magister woman lying on the ground amidst a pool of blood. A gentle hand on his shoulder. Another estate. A bed. A glimpse of skin._-

Hawke frantically searched for something to aid Fenris. Upon seeing the book's cover, he had fainted and begun flailing on the bedroom floor. Over and over, his lyrium markings flared and faded, each time his face became a mask of immense pain. Once Hawke gathered her senses, she grabbed a nearby cushion and placed it under his head and called for help. After a few moments, Anders rushed into the room and immediately knelt next to the elf man. Careful not to touch any of his bare skin, Anders place his hands above Fenris' head as they began to glow with his healing light. Eventually, the flailing subsided; however, the lyrium flashes became more and more frequent over time.

"Help me put him on the bed, Anders."

Between the two of them, they gently placed Fenris' still glowing body on the blanket. At this point, the light from his skin had become a steady pulse and his face was covered in a sheen of sweat.

"There is nothing more I can do for him, Marion. Whatever you did to try and stir his memories is pushing against the spell Danarius cast on him. Right now, his mind is resisting the magic and attempting to remember. I do not know what will come of this as the spell was likely tied to him through is markings. That would explain the light as each memory surfaces. It's all a waiting game at this point. Either he is strong enough, or he is not."

"Leave me, Anders."

Hawke's voice was clipped as she stopped his long-winded explanation. She did not want to harm Fenris, her intentions had been good. Guilt brought her to her knees next to the bed and she vaguely heard the door shut as Anders followed her instruction. She crossed her arms on the bed next to Fenris' glowing one and rested her forehead against her arm. -_If this is a waiting game, then I will wait. I moved too fast and now Fenris is the one that has to suffer for it_.-

The night seemed to last forever as Hawke waited for some sign that Fenris was recovering. She dozed fitfully at her place by his side, but was each time awoken by a groan or harsh spasm from atop the bed. Soon, it was well into the very early hours of morning, still several hours from sunrise.

"Hawke..."

Jerking up immediately at the sound of his gravelly voice, Hawke stood and looked down at Fenris' face. Her hope faded as quickly as it had come. His eyes were still shut and his brow tensed in pain. But he had called to her from whatever nightmare his was stuck in. She eased herself onto the edge of the bed and gathered his armored hand into her lap. Fenris had once told her that her touch didn't harm him like everyone else's did. He was merely not used to the contact so it surprised him when they touched. Gently, Hawke began unstrapping the gauntlet from around his wrist and fingers. Soon it lay discarded on the floor and her fingertips ran over the much-dimmed markings on his skin.

To her surprise, the remaining glow from the lyrium faded under her touch. Like water flowing down a channel, the fading travelled up his arm and across his body until all of the markings rested in their normal white state. Finally, Fenris' face relaxed and his head sunk deeper into the pillow. A relieved sigh passed through Hawke's lips and, as the heavy worry fell from her shoulders, she collapsed against his still-plated chest. Quiet sobs escaped from her lips and tears slid down the creases of the breastplate.

"Please be okay, Fenris. I am so sorry."

There was a touch on the back of her head. Fingers threaded their way into her hair. The breathing beneath her changed from the steady rhythm of sleep.

"Do not shed anymore tears for me."

Hawke lifted her head and looked up into Fenris' face as his hand continued to caress her hair. His eyes, though bloodshot and sunken, looked back at her with recognition. As she stared, his lips turned up into his small smile.

"You.. You remember..? Is that really you, Fenris? Please assure me this is not a dream. I cannot bear it."

The fingers tightened in her hair slightly, though not enough to hurt. Fenris took his other hand and began pushing himself up into a sitting position. Before Hawke could protest that he should rest, he pulled her up into his lap and pressed her face against his shoulder. As his arms tightened around her back, Hawke allowed the sobs to escape again.

"Yes, Marion. It is me."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The early morning light filtered through the tall window. Hawke groggily lifted her head and looked around the room before she realized where she was. Beneath her, Fenris' chest moved up and down gently as he slept. Hawke rubbed her eyes and tried to remember what happened before she fell asleep, but the details were blurry. She thought that she had fallen alseep on the bed next to Fenris. -_How did I end up back on his chest?_- She looked back at Fenris' sleeping form. Something wasn't right. Last night, Hawke had watched his markings stop their painful pulsing, but this morning it was back. Examining his face more closely, she saw that his face was still tight, even in sleep, and his hair was plastered to his face. Even the pillow around him was stained with sweat.

-_No. No. No! I didn't imagine it. I couldn't have. I HEARD him speak to me._- Looking down at Fenris' arm laying next to her, the final nail hammered into her panic. The gauntlet was still on. It was all a dream. -Damn it all! I can't keep doing this to myself. I have to stay strong.- Sighing in defeat, Marion removed herself from the bed and began getting ready for the day. Though it was still a while before anyone would come looking for her, Hawke needed something to distract herself from breaking down.

Changing from her familiar finery, Hawke found a deep blue tunic and belt with black leggings. The dark color fit her mood well. Done much too soon, she searched for something more to take up her idle time. Spotting her staff near the door, a brilliant idea struck her and she hurried out of the room with it.

Quietly, Hawke navigated the halls that Fenris had shown her the day before and found the door to the inner courtyard of the estate. In the center among the well-tended gardens, Hawke found what she was searching for. Instead of the typical fountain, the middle of the courtyard was flat and paved with a smooth cobblestone. Making her way down the path, she stood in the middle of this clear space and began centering herself. This is what she needed, something to not only distract her but allow her to take out her frustration and excess energy. Birds chirped in the nearby trees and the cool morning breeze whispered in the silence.

Back in the mansion, Fenris began to stir. Though his markings still glowed, the pain was lessening and his consciousness began to resurface. -_Ugh... I feel as if I have been trampled by every cart in Tevinter..._- Fenris groaned as he pushed up into a sitting position. His head pounded and the light from the window cut deeply behind his eyes. As he tilted his head away from the glare, Fenris realized where he was. Despite the pain from the headache and the now-fading marks, he instantly jumped off of the bed and frantically looked around. -_By the Maker, how did I end up here? I was kneeling before my Mistress after asking too many questions when she... A book? There was a book she brought...-_ Faded images passed through his mind as he remembered pieces of the night before. -_The cover... There was an image of me on the cover of the Mistress' book. Then I blacked out and woke up here. Wait, no. There were... Were they memories?_-

Fenris then began looking around the room for the book he knew was real out of all of his scattered memories. There it was, sitting on a pile of papers on the desk as if it had been thrown there in a hurry. Pulling out the chair at the desk, Fenris sat and slid the book over to him. The cover was beautifully done and he could not help but run his hands over the artistry. However, he was looking for something in particular and his eye was drawn to the portrait in question. -_How does she have an image of me on this book? What is written inside?_-

Tentatively, Fenris opened the cover to the first written page. It was fruitless for him to do so, as he knew he would not be able to decipher the text. But he could not resist the temptation to try.

"Here is written the adventures of Marion Hawke and her fearless companions. May these words and the story they tell linger on through the Ages."

Fenris jumped back sharply from the book and slid the chair far back from the desk. -_I... I READ those words. How did I know what that said?!_- He pushed himself back up to the table and looked at the book again. Sure enough, as his eyes passed over each word, he was able to make out the meaning. Afraid that this was just some passing ability, he began to devour the story as quickly as possible.

Back in the courtyard, Hawke was swinging her staff with concentrated precision. This session was not about casting spells. Long ago, she had decided that she would not be some helpless mage dependent on mana and range to defeat her enemies. Before coming to Kirkwall, Hawke had practiced swordsmanship with Carver and transitioned over into the polearm. Many times over the years, her hand-to-hand ability had saved her life when enemies had underestimated her at close range. Such was the case with Danarius.

Hawke's mind travelled back to her many battles with Fenris by her side. At first, he had been very distrustful of her due to the fact that she was a mage. However, after a few battles he had confronted her on her unusual style.

_"It is unbefitting of a magister to dirty their hands with such tactics." he had said._

_"Well it is good that I am not a magister then." was her reply, ironically enough._

From that day on, Hawke had felt a small shift in Fenris. She had always felt that her fighting style had helped bridge the gap between the two of them and caused him accept her more. Around the others, he had remained venomous with hatred toward mages. But during their times alone Fenris had even gone so far as train with her during her practice sessions.

Even as her mind wandered through these old memories, Hawke's body continued to move fluidly through her paces. Time passed without her realizing it. She pushed harder and harder to stop even the smallest memory from finding its way to her. All she had room for was her next step, the next swing. Her muscles burned as fatigue crept in, but she refused to slow down or take a break. Idle time was her enemy and she would not give in.

"You push yourself too hard, Marion." Anders' voice carried to her as she continued her movements. He made his way through the gardens to her and stood just outside of her range to give her the space she needed. "Everyone has been looking for you. But after last night, I figured you would be in the first flat, open space you could find."

Anders took a few steps back and sat in silence on one of the stone benches that ringed the clearing. After quite some time, Hawke realized that he was not going to leave until she did something to make it happen. Completing her last spin with the staff, she walked over to where he sat and took a seat beside him. Sweat dripped from her short hair and her arms felt loose and weak. Shaking off the fatigue once again, Hawke turned sideways on the bench, her leg bent sideways in front of her.

"You don't need to worry about me, Anders. And I know that is what you are doing. I am handling this just fine."

"You didn't seem fine last night, Marion. I hate to see you in such pain and over that damned elf. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be able to smile and laugh like you used to. Before all of this. Before the troubles of Kirkwall and coming to this place." Anders shifted and straddled the bench to face her as well.

"More, Anders? I suppose you are the more you are speaking of?" An exasperated sigh passed through her lips. "We have spoken about this several times and you know of how I feel. You are a dear friend and companion. But my heart lies elsewhere, you know that"

"But your heart chose me, Marion! Before Fenris came along, we were happy and you loved me. ME! How can you dismiss me as if nothing happened between us?"

Anders moved and grabbed Hawke by the shoulders, only inches separating them. She tensed and looked up into his face, her anger bubbling as he spoke. "You made your choice, Anders. When you decided that raging a war on templars was more important that anything else, you chose. And I chose too. What happened with us was many, many years ago when you were less consumed by hatred and power. I aided you in your battle to free the mages in Kirkwall. I sided with you when all I wanted was peace. But I did it as your friend, nothing more."

His hands fell away from her shoulders as she watched her words strike home. As the silence stretched, Hawke could almost see the anguish coming off of him in waves. This only served to frustrate her more. -_He acts the victim, as if I have not told him this before! It is as if he thinks that I will change my mind, or forget all he has done!_- Her thoughts stopped dead as she felt warm lips lock onto hers. Her mind reeled as Hawke froze in shock at the long forgotten touch. Taking her compliance as approval, she felt his arms wrap around her as Anders pulled her to his chest. -_No..._-

Fenris stood at the doorway to the courtyard in shock. He held the book by his side, its contents committed to his memory front to back. -_If the book is true, how could she kiss him?-_ As he watched Anders pull his Mistress -_No, she's Marion..._- closer to him, Fenris had to turn away. Even though the memories of what transpired in the story were lost to him, the sense of betrayal was still sharp. He was not angry with her. He had been gone for so long. Some part of his mind recognized that the book was true as he had absorbed every word, and the knowledge of what she had gone through to save him was humbling. Unable to watch the scene any longer, Fenris made his way back into the mansion. Privacy was the least he could give her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Woohoo! This chapter is decidedly longer (YAY!). I want to thank you all again for your support and reviews! I knew the last chapter probably caused a few screams, but this story isn't over yet. **

**Please enjoy and I will be posting more soon! :)**

Chapter Thirteen

The sharp slap echoed around the empty courtyard walls. Trees nearby rustled with the early stirrings of power. Through a haze of red, Hawke panted as she stared into Anders' shocked face, her rage barely contained.

"How dare you! What is the matter with you, Anders?!"

Tiny hairs on Hawke and Anders' body stood on end as energy began to charge the air. All of the pain and frustration from her time since Fenris was taken snapped through her soul. She was tired of having to struggle. She was tired of taking the weight of the world on her shoulders. No matter what she did, it was never enough. -_People like Anders will never be satisfied. I'm done._-

As the angry thoughts passed through Hawke's mind, Anders backed away from her. Rarely did Hawke use magic for anything besides battle and even then it was sparingly. But this power was wild, filled with emotion. His skin and eyes flashed blue as even Justice prepared to defend himself if she lashed out.

"Hawke... I am sincerely sorry. I knew better than to pull that with you..."

"That is right, you selfish man! You should damn well know better! Why must you toy with me? Do you think that I am not lonely and miserable because I appear strong? Do you think that I need YOUR comfort?"

Apparently deciding that remaining silent was his best option, Anders continued to retreat away from Hawke until he reached the door to the mansion and slipped inside. The cause of her ire gone, Hawke deflated and collapsed back onto the bench in shame. Her head fell heavily into the palms of her hands as she quietly began to sob.

Fenris watched from his seat near the door as Anders slipped inside. For a moment as the door was open, he felt his marking flare from what felt to him like a flare of mana. However, as the door shut, the feeling cut completely. Anders rested his head against the shut door and released a sigh of relief. Watching him with interest, Fenris crossed his ankle over his knee, the book by his side on the bench, and waited for the mage to turn around. As he did just that, Anders started as his eyes landed on the elf staring at her.

"Oh! Fenris. You startled me. Do you need something?" The feigned politeness was a tell even if Fenris had not seen the pair in the courtyard.

Keeping a hold on his cool, controlled mask, Fenris picked the book up and held it up facing Anders' direction. A dark smirk settled on his lips as he watched the mage blanch. -_It is good that you are afraid, mage. I see through you.-_ When he decided to wait on Hawke versus running, Fenris also came to the conclusion that he was not going to give up on her. During his brief encounters with Anders here on the estate, the sense of selfish pride was thick enough to cut with his sword. Paired with the new knowledge that the mage was little more than an abomination, a strong dislike for the man settled in Fenris' mind.

"So you remembered, did you elf?" The mage took a few swaggering steps toward Fenris, the arrogant air back in place. "It changes nothing. Hawke deserves more than a elf slave who hates mages like her."

"That is where you are wrong, abomination. I hate mages like you." Fenris stood and met the approaching mage toe-to-toe. "Thinking your magic makes you more than those around you. That you are entitled to more because you can cast a few spells."

Fenris brought his face closer to Anders. His markings flaring to life as he prepared to counter any surprise attack. "You are not worthy of the air you breathe. Maybe I should assure you stop wasting it for the rest of us."

Anders eyes slid over the markings now glowing in his face. With a sense of satisfaction, Fenris observed the flicker of fear that passed through his opponent's eyes. Letting go of his hold on the power in his markings, he turned and walked away from the mage. Hawke would not want Fenris to kill him.

Hawke finally pushed back the tears and looked up at the afternoon sky. The blue was clear and vibrant with only a few wisps of white passing across it. She felt her strength slide back into place and wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hand. -I_ will not break again. Anders be damned. I will help Fenris remember and we will get out of this place for good._- Out of the corner of her eye, Hawke saw a small elf woman walking into the gardens. Just outside of the circular center area, the woman stopped and bowed her head to the ground as if waiting to interrupt. After watching her for a few moments, Hawke recognized her as one of the house slaves on the estate.

Standing and picking up her staff, Hawke walked over to the woman. "Yes? What do you need?

"Mistress, it is time for midday meal. You did not attend breakfast this morning and I had hoped to make sure you would be eating this one. I was afraid, Mistress, that the time may have escaped you during your... training. If you would like to freshen up..."

"Yes, yes. Of course. I did indeed let the time escape me. Allow me to return to my rooms and change and I will take a late lunch. Thank you very much for reminding me."

The elf curtsied low to Hawke and raised her eyes shyly. "There is no need to thank me, Mistress. If I may be so bold. The other slaves and I were planning on talking to you today about what you said last night. Please do not alter your day for us, but..."

Hawke placed her hand gently on the small woman's shoulders. "Do not worry yourself so! Of course you may all have a moment to speak with me. How about before dinner this evening? Would that be a proper time for you all?"

Nodding frantically, the elf gave Hawke a tiny smile and hurried away to inform the others. A smile also came over Hawke's face as she watched the retreating woman's back. Even though she had come here to save Fenris, it brought her great joy to be able to help others who were like him. She held no grand illusions of changing the way of this dark nation, but this household would be better for her influence.

Determined not to make the servants worry over her any longer, Hawke made her way into the mansion and headed in the direction of her rooms. The halls were dark and cool and she assumed most of the house was also taking their meal. Glad for the quiet time to herself, she began settling the remaining restlessness in her mind. By the time she reached her door, Hawke was calm once more and in a better place to confront it all. As she pushed against the heavy door and entered the room, her calm was shaken yet again.

The other slave had done well for Fenris. He had found her worrying in the hall after he had confronted Anders. Hawke had missed the morning meal and was on the verge of not appearing for the midday one as well. After assuring her that all was well, he suggested that she go speak with her Mistress in the courtyard and gently remind her. Fenris had comforted the slave that she would not be reprimanded for doing so. His only favor had been that she mention to the Mistress that she go to her rooms before hand. Obviously, the suggestion had been heeded. Hearing the door open, Fenris looked up from the open book and watched a very tired looking Hawke enter the room. When her eyes fell on him, he saw the flash of suffering pass over her face before being carefully locked away again. -_The book must be true. I have to believe it is not some trick._-

"Fenris... Are you feeling any better? Last night... I was worried about you... Please forgive me... I didn't..."

Fenris raised his gauntleted hand to stop her frantic rambling. "I am quite fine, do not worry any longer."

Hawke watched as he took the book from his lap and carried it over to where she stood. Shifting the open book to one hand, he used the other to close the door behind her. Fenris then held the page he had been staring at and held it out to Hawke to read. On the pages were the details of their battle against Hadriana and the evening that followed. Hawke turned her head away from the pages as tears gathered in her eyes. That night was branded in her memory and burned sharply.

Hawke cleared her throat and turned back to Fenris with a thin smile. "Would you like me to read this to you?"

"No, Marion. You don't need to do that."

-_My name! He said my name!_- Hawke looked up from the book into the intense eyes staring at her. The tears that had been threatening her moments before spilled over onto her cheeks. Hesitating for only a second, Fenris raised his hand to cup her cheek in his palm. His thumb smoothed over the wet trails and wiped them away. -_I am dreaming again, or maybe I have gone over the deep end and I am full blown hallucinating. He didn't remember anything. Why do I torture myself?_- Disgusted with herself, Hawke pulled her face away from this apparition and moved around it to the bed. She laid on her stomach and pressed her face into the pillow as the tears continued to fall. -_I was okay until I came back here! Wake up! WAKE. UP._-

Fenris stood stunned as the woman he supposedly once loved walked away with a look of disgust. His hand fell back onto the open page of the book and he caressed the words he had no right to understand. If it weren't for the undeniable fact that he COULD read the sentences, as taught to him by Hawke herself according to the story, Fenris would probably have dismissed it all as a trick. However, even as the time passed his ability never faded. Over and over he had read this part in their tale. Hawke had aided him in staying free and had understood his pain. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered Danarius' apprentice, Hadriana but he could not remember the point that Varania had replaced her. These holes in his memory, conveniently placed around times with Hawke, only validated the written words more.

Hawke heard the book close and be placed on the far desk, followed by the sound of metal clicking together. Despite knowing that it was all an illusion created by her own anguished mind, she was hyperaware of every sound he made in the room. But now it was silent. She couldn't place where he was in the room any longer. -_It must have faded finally._-

There was a soft, whisper of a touch against the back of Hawke's neck. Warm, strong fingers brushed away the wispy hairs and exposed more of her skin. She squeezed her eyes in agony. -_Why won't it stop? Why will I not wake up from this hell?_- Soon, the caresses grew less and less gentle as the fingers pressed into her shoulder and then up into her hair. Then the fingers were gone and she could not suppress the moan of loss that forced its way out of her. There was a shift in the bed and a weight settled next to Hawke's side.

Fenris looked down at the tense back of the woman beside him. -_She... moaned when I stopped. Surely, she must care for me still. Why is it so easy for me to touch her? I have read the words of our story, but there are holes in the telling. Why can I not remember her even now? My body recognizes her, but my mind does not._- Frustration simmered deep within Fenris' heart. His bare fists clenched together as he fought the urge to touch her again. -_Who am I to play with her so? And for nothing more than curiosity. She loves a man that does not exist now, and I blaspheme his very image..._-

"Fenris..." Hawke's voice was very soft as the pillow muffled the sound. "I don't know if you are real this time, but... I want you to know, just in case you are really here, that I understand. I know that you are probably struggling with the knowledge you found in that book. I wanted to tell you the story myself since the moment I saw you again, but I was too afraid that you would never have believed me. I have told myself for so long that you were gone, that I would never see you again. But I made it here. I defeated Danarius and saved you from him. And if it takes the rest of my life, I will find a way to make you whole again. He will not take you from me from his grave."

-_Marion..._-


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Time slowed to a stop for the two struggling souls. Fenris did not know how to show emotion, no matter how the story told him he had once felt. Feelings only led to pain for him. But this woman had given up so much to find him in this hell. During this timeless moment, he lashed himself mentally over and over for how unworthy he was for his place in her story. And it was her story. From the moment this brave woman had stepped in to the Proving Grounds, Fenris had sensed something different about her. He had tried convincing himself that it was just another mage trick, like so many he had suffered through before. But every action, every word she had spoken had only served to prove him wrong. With this thought, the image of her kissing Anders only a short time ago passed through his mind. The jealousy that followed nearly took his breath away. Curiously enough, he felt no more anger or betrayal as he had in the first moment. Fenris had a feeling that she could destroy every part of his soul and he would never be able to hate her like he probably should.

In the same moment, Hawke fought against the growing hope that Fenris was really here with her. She told herself over and over that when she did wake up that the pain would be all the worse. But hope was a tricky, seeping thing in her being. Finally, she gathered the courage to roll over to look at him once more. Instead of looking at her with the tenderness and love she had expected, Fenris was looking down his lap, his brow furrowed in thought with a torrent of emotion flowing behind his eyes. Hawke hated that look. She would do anything to wipe it away.

"Fenris?"

His eyes snapped back to her and he placed his calm mask back over his face. His calculated gaze searched her face, analyzing every inch. -_I am not worthy of the concern she is feeling for me right now. She thinks I am someone I am not. But I want to be.._.-

Making his decision in an instant, Fenris leaned forward with a growl and claimed Hawke's mouth with his own. The hum of her own groan vibrated against him and only served to push him further. -_Whatever part of me is still the man she waited for, guide me. Old Gods, Maker, anyone who will listen, let me be this for her._- As her body relaxed and sunk into his kiss, Fenris wrapped his hand around the back of her neck once again. Desire pulsed through him and the desperation he felt transformed into something deeper. Turning his head to the side slightly, he took firmer control of her mouth.

Hawke's mind was a blurred mess the moment Fenris' lips had touched hers. As he pressed against her and deepened the kiss, Hawke was sure that she felt a passion that she had not felt in years. Though she was almost positive his true memory had not returned, his body had slipped into the familiarity that they had shared so long ago. The slippery hope that she had fought only moments before latched onto this fact with a ferocious snap. Hawke no longer cared if it hurt in the end. Some part of this man knew her and that was enough.

Fenris felt the moment Hawke gave herself over to him. Trust flowed from her like a tangible thing and he refused to squander it. Breaking away from her lips, he gasped for breath and looked into her half open eyes. The room fell away from around him and another room took its place.

Instead of sitting on the bed, he instead stood at the foot of it facing out into the room. This room was smaller, more modest place and he was struck with the sense that this was a memory. Not knowing how long it would last, Fenris took in his surroundings, memorizing every detail.

"_...Your markings, they hurt don't they?_"

Fenris whipped around and stood stunned at the sight of Hawke sprawled naked on the bed looking at another version of himself standing by the glowing fireplace.

"_It's not that..._" This dream version of him spoke and took a few steps toward Hawke. "_I began to remember my life before... This is too much! This is too fast! I cannot do this..._"

The vision snapped back to the present for a moment and then returned to the memory.

"_We can work through this, Fenris..._"

"_I'm sorry, I feel like such a fool. All wanted was to be happy, just for a little while._"

As the memory began to fade into wisps as Fenris gazed at the pair, he watched his former self walk away.

"_Forgive me..._"

Finally, Fenris' mind released him from the images. Though it had felt like ages while he was in the memory, it appeared that only seconds had truly passed. -_I left her once... All because of my cursed memory! Will I do this to her again?_-

"What happened, Fenris? Your eyes glazed over and you weren't responding to me. Your lyrium markings even started glowing again. Did you remember something?"

-_I won't bring her pain again. I refuse! Damn you, Danarius! If Hawke had not already ended your poisonous life, I would rip to to shreds for all you have done!_- Suddenly, as he fought against his rage, warm lips pressed against his own once more. Hawke braced her hands on his shoulders and a shiver passed through him once again at her touch. -_This is mine. I will reclaim it. You hear me in Hell, Danarius?! Your power over me is done!_-

Unable to resist any longer, Fenris pulled Hawke's slight body up into his lap and wrapped her legs around his waist. In this position, he had to lean down to keep contact on her lips. -_I didn't realize before that I am taller than her..._- One of his hands pressed into the small of her back while the other tangled into her short hair. With a fevered tug, Fenris pulled her head back farther and bared her throat to him. He broke the kiss and immediately began licking and nibbling a trail down her throat. She gifted him with another groan. Every pump of his heart forced his blood southward and he pressed his hips upward without a conscious thought. -_This woman will undo me..._-

Feeling his arousal pressing into her, Hawke tightened her legs around him and her nails dug into the exposed flesh of his upper arm. A growl tore from Fenris' throat and bit down on the spot where her neck met her shoulder. That was Hawke's favorite noise and a smile passed across her lips as he continued his path of kisses down to her collarbone. Satisfied that she still knew how to work him, she moved her lips to his sensitive ears and teased him with a lick before sucking the lobe into her mouth. Fenris' body began to shiver uncontrollably beneath her. In a movement too quick for her to react to, Fenris flipped their positions and flattened his body over hers. She gasped as he reclaimed her mouth once more and she reached to his sides to begin unbuckling his breastplate.

A sharp knock snapped through the room like a whip.

"Mistress? I have brought you your meal."

A groan of frustration as Hawke broke away from Fenris' lips. His eyes were looking at her with a mixture of amusement and barely contained arousal. Instead of getting off of her as she had expected him to do, he proceed to nuzzle into her neck and place small kisses around her ear.

"You can tell her to go, Marion. I mean, unless you want her to walk in and see what I do to you." Fenris pulled her ear lobe into his mouth in a mirror action of what she had done to him only moments before. Hawke fought against the moan gathering in her throat as he played dirty. Part of her loved this playful, mischievous streak that she had only rarely seen, but there was no way she was going to let him win. She had her own "mean" side.

"Mistress?" The voice sounded from the door once more. "Are you alright?"

Hawke pushed herself up into Fenris' body as if to buck him off. She knew that it was futile as a means of escaping him, but it succeeded as she had hoped. Her warm center pressed up into and against his growing firmness and as he pushed back in reflex, he only made it worse. Hawke pushed away her own flood of new arousal to whisper in his ear, "I want you to get my meal for me. Just as you are. Two can play at this game, Fenris."

Fenris gave her one of his rare smiles, though he tried to play it off as frustration with a roll of his eyes. -_No wonder I fell for this damnable woman._- Deciding to go along with her game, he gracefully pushed himself off the bed and padded his way to the door. As he opened it to reveal the nervous looking slave, Fenris watched the elf woman's eyes flicker down to below his waist before diverting them and holding the tray out to him with a blush.

"What is all this commotion about? What's happened to Hawke, woman?"

Making his way quickly down the hall was Anders. Fenris took the tray from the slave and sat it gently on the table near the door before turning back to the approaching mage. He leaned casually against the doorframe and waited patiently. The woman had fled the moment the tray had left her hands and Anders caught sight of him. Though frustrated with the further interruption, Fenris' arousal had not faded in the slightest. In the contrary, as the thought of finally putting this abomination in his place settled in his mind, his desire grew exponentially. When he observed Anders giving him the same inspection the slave woman had, a smug smirk settled firmly on Fenris' face.

"Where is Hawke, elf?"

"That is none of your concern quite frankly. She is busy at the moment and you are not welcome in her company right now. I suggest you turn back the way you came, mage."

Sitting up on the bed back in the room, Hawke looked at the door and watched the confrontation. Normally, she would have intervened to stop the fighting, but after his actions toward her earlier, Hawke felt no desire to protect Anders. She knew how jealous and possessive Fenris had gotten before he lost his memory. If he still felt that way, she was not going to stand in his way and hurt what was slowly building. Hawke was confident that the altercation would leave no permanent damage to either of them.

"How dare you speak to me in such a way, you miserable beast!"

Fenris watched the mage pull his staff from the sling across his back. "You would attack me with one of your weak, cowardly spells, abomination? Are you sure that is wise? I have fought against mages far more skilled than you."

As the end of the staff began to glow with Anders' incantation, Fenris unleashed his power and it flowed to every corner of his body. In less than a second, the mage's staff lay several feet away and Fenris held him by the throat to the opposite wall of the hall. Blue streaks passed over the mage's body and Fenris merely tightened his grip.

"Do not overestimate my patience, mage. I have only restrained myself because it would upset Marion if I killed you."

"You dare call her by her name? You are not worthy of it!"

Fenris pulled Anders away from the wall and slammed him back against it with a loud thump. "I have more right than you ever will! And if I ever catch you touching my woman as you did earlier today, I will not hesitate to kill you in an instant." With a flick of his wrist, Fenris threw his captive to the hard floor and watched him skid with the force of the throw.

"Leave now. Before I forget to give a damn about your pathetic existence."


	15. Chapter 15

**Whew! That last chapter was heavy! I hope you all enjoyed it! This chapter is much shorter, but a much needed bit of lighthearted fun. :) I am working on the next part as I post this, so either more tonight or tomorrow. :)**

Chapter Fifteen

After the mage had stalked away with his tail between his legs, Fenris walked back into the bedroom. His markings finally started to fade and, as the adrenaline tapered off as well, he flinched slightly at the pain. Most of the time he could handle it by shear force of will but Fenris' emotions were too hectic for him to find that calm place. As the glow passed completely, his eyes turned toward the bed where he found Hawke waiting patiently.

Bowing his head a bit in shame, Fenris grabbed the almost forgotten tray of food and carried it over to her on the bed. "I... am sorry, Marion. I let my temper get the best of me. I know he is your friend."

As he sat next to her and placed the tray in her lap, Hawke smiled up at him brightly. She felt a bubbling since of giddy pride at his possessive show. However, one thing she had heard him say worried her.

"You saw his actions in the courtyard, Fenris? Why didn't you say something to me ?"

Fenris sighed and placed his palm on her temple, his fingers in her hair once more. "I need to admit something to you. Even after all I have read and seen, I do not remember the past we had. I have... flashes. Things that I think are memories, but they are blurry and in pieces. Somehow, the only real thing that has stayed with me from one them is the reading."

He turned towards her more fully and moved his hand down to cup her jaw. The need for her touch was two-fold. She felt right to him, the only person he had ever felt comfortable being physically close to. The other reason was the pain. Her skin was like a cool balm and it helped him clear his mind to talk to her.

"I heard your voice beside me. We were in a rundown room with a warm fire with a table on which I practiced letters with you. But just as I was getting a grasp on it, this unending darkness wrapped around me. I heard you calling out to me but I couldn't reach you, no matter how fast I ran."

Hawke mirrored Fenris' touch on her face, but was surprised when he didn't flinch away. Instead, he turned his cheek into her palm and his eyes fluttered close.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. The magic Danarius worked on you is some of the strongest any of us have ever seen. It is a miracle you can push through it at all."

As the companionable silence stretched on, Fenris became aware of the food still sitting between and encouraged Hawke to go ahead and eat. Despite his many protests, she insisted on him eating small tidbits of cheese and meat from her offered fingers. Though they passed this time without talking more about the past, he felt as if he was still learning more about both her and the him that he had lost.

Much too soon, it was time for Hawke to meet with the household. A loud groan of frustration and she flopped backward onto the pillow behind her. Giggles overwhelmed her as she watched Fenris scramble to catch the now empty tray and dishes that were dislodged from her lap. She rarely saw him be anything but perfectly graceful and as everything hit the ground with a rain of tiny pings, her giggles turned into full blown laughter.

Fenris looked at her with his own frustrated groan but it was replaced by a warm happiness as he watched happy tears roll down her cheeks.

"Am I amusing?"

"Oh yes! Very much so!"

Following a tiny nudge in the back of his mind, Fenris gently dug his fingers into Hawke's tiny ribs and tickled. Her chuckles flipped into a squeal of laughter as she half-heartedly fought to get away from his attack. Moving his fingers down just a bit to barely above her ribs, she began howling and more laughing tears slid down her face. His heart sung with happiness seeing her so carefree.

"You are cruel, Fenris! EEK! Stopstopstopstop!"

"Am I still amusing to you, little mage?"

Finally taking mercy on her, he released his hold and helped her back into a sitting position. Hawke wiped away at the wet trails along her face and gave Fenris an overdramatic scowl.

"Now I'm going to be late! I told that elf woman that I would speak with the household again tonight. By the Maker, that reminds me of all the other things I need to take care of. There are accounts and Maker only knows what else. I have spent too much time being distracted by you! I had plans for today, I'll have you know!"

Though her words were harsh, the smile in her eyes softened the meaning so that Fenris knew her to merely be jesting. As he stood and helped her to her feet, he was a bit stunned at how much she had changed him in a mere day. The instinct was still strong to defer to her as his Mistress, but stronger still was the feeling that doing so would only upset her further. He had heard her assert her will with others and admired her no nonsense attitude toward obstacles, but she acted to different with him. Here, she was almost childlike and open. She actually seemed to be completely deferring to him to make the decisions. The power was heady.

"Would you come with me, Fenris? Maybe with you there to help me, they willl believe that I am sincere" Hawke moved to stand in front of the door

"I am not certain you would get the effect you desire." Fenris massaged the back of his neck and looked toward the ceiling. "Most of the slaves only see me as something to fear. I'm not exactly one of them in their eyes."

"Still. I would like you to come with me all the same. You never know, maybe you will get to protect me from Anders some more."


	16. Chapter 16

**WHEW! I did not mean for this to take so long to post! Please forgive me and know that I am writing more. I thought about expanding this chapter a bit farther in the story, but I have changed my mind about a few events and need to rework it. I didn't want to make you wait any longer though!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter Sixteen

Hawke could not believe her ears as she listened to the servants of her household. After a very awkward silence when she had entered the room, small groups of men and women each came to speak with her. Though she could sense that some of them were still skeptical, every single one of them had asked to stay and be employed by Hawke.

Fenris sat back and watched as each person approached Hawke. Secretly, he was shocked at how easily these people trusted their new Mistress. Even with everything he had learned, he still expected to wake up any moment and find out that it was all a dream. A couple of times he was sure he saw Hawke brushing away a tear or cough through a sniffle. Though he didn't show it on his face, which remained a cold mask to any who looked at him, he felt happy for Hawke and what he knew her to be doing. Foolhardy though it was, she was trying to change the way of the world she was now a part of.

"Thank you all for choosing to stay here. I hope that I am worthy of all of your service." Hawke then gestured over to Varric who had entered the room with Avaline and Isabela. "Please speak with my dwarf companion, Varric, and inform him what your normal duties are around the household and he will arrange your wages."

Slowly, the room filed out to follow her instructions. Avaline remained by the door, her eyes watching the room with a frown. Eventually, only a handful of well-built men and one equally built woman stood in the middle of the room looking at her expectantly. After a few moments of silence, one of the men stepped forward and dropped into a low bow. Recognizing the bunch immediately, Fenris bit back a growl and moved to Hawke's side with his arms crossed.

"Mistress, we would also offer our services to you if you would wish it of us."

"I will not deny any of you employment with my household. As I told the others, you are welcome to speak with Varric about the particulars."

Taking a hesitant step forward and bowing once more, the man cleared his throat before speaking again. "Do pardon my bluntness, Mistress. But our duties are more suited to your... discretion. We were the late Master's... personal servants."

Hawke's lips popped as the air rushed out of her lungs as she realized what the group was implying. The overwhelming press of Fenris' presence beside her also caused what felt like all the blood in her body to rush to her face. Her eyes examined each of the people before her as she felt even more disgust for Danarius, which she was unsure was even possible after so much. -_What do I do about them? I obviously don't want them as... That is just so..._-

As Hawke fumbled for her words, Fenris grew more and more tense as he waited for her response. Part of him believed that she would not accept these slaves' services; however, a nagging voice in his mind worried that she might. Though it made his blood boil to allow this to stand unanswered, Fenris was determined to see her decision. Words spoken and on a few pages were one thing, but to see her actions would be something else entirely.

"I..." Hawke cleared her throat and straightened her spine. -_Though I may not want... them, I cannot let them go out with no aid._- "You are all welcome in my home. It does not change anything what your jobs were or were not while you were under... I mean... in... by the Maker! Just go talk with Varric. You are welcome to stay, but I have no need of you in the roles you previously performed. If you would like to remain in my employ, I will find other things for you to do within the house, if you wish to continue as you are, then we will find another way to help you."

At this, Avaline stepped forward. "If I may Hawke, I would like to speak to them a bit. They are all fit and well-nourished, better than I can say for most of the poor souls in the house. I would be willing to train them for guard duty here on the grounds. Hired mercenaries are only a temporary solution and you are no more safe now, despite Danarius being gone."

"That would be wonderful, Avaline." Hawke then turned back to the group. 'It is ultimately your decision. You may train with her to aid in the protection of the estate, or you may ask for another assignment if you have something you desire to do. I need everyone equally so please make a decision based on what would make you happy."

The man who had spoken originally bowed once again as Hawke's face blazed even brighter red. "We are forever grateful, Mistress."

Avaline walked back to the side door leading out of the room and pushed through it. After a moment's hesitation, each of the men and the woman filed over to the door. As the group walked out of the room, the group of servants who had chosen to remain in the kitchen began rearranging the room for dinner. As the over-large table was moved out from against the wall by several people, a loud screech pierce the air. One of the legs of the table had gotten caught and was not happy about the man pushing on it to move. Immediately, the room went silent and every pair of eyes turned to Hawke, fear obvious on all of their faces.

Fenris also turned to look at Hawke's reaction. She had placed her hand over her mouth and small sobbing noises were coming from being her fingers. At least, he thought it was sobbing. However, after a few seconds of awkward silence, Hawke doubled over and burst out in laughter. The fear that had previously radiated from the group of servants transformed into full-blown astonishment as they watched. Knowing that the time for reprimand was past, Fenris walked over the the offending table and lifted the end that had gotten caught. His movements sent the room back into motion and the table was soon settled and arranged for dinner, muffled giggles echoing around the room. For the first time in their lives, the former slaves all worked with a smile on their faces.


	17. Chapter 17

**WHEW! Sorry this took so long guys! Between work and the holidays, I just did not have the time to really work on this as much as I would like. I am currently in the clutches of a nasty cold and will try to work on this, but it may be a few days before I can really get back into the writing mindset. This chapter is short, but I hope you enjoy!**

Chapter Seventeen

The next several days passed by smoothly and peacefully. Over that time, the servants of the house finally began to relax and see that their Mistress was indeed honest in her intentions. Each day Hawke endeavored to assist in some task in the house alongside them. One day it was helping with a meal, while the next she would join Aveline in training the new guards. She even settled things with Anders, to an extent, and aided him in any healing needed in the estate. Soon, everyone fell into a comfortable rhythm.

During Hawke's many adventures with the household, Fenris stayed right beside her. Though nothing more had happened between them physically since the incident with Anders, he felt a sense of peace with her that he had never felt before. The two of them would often stay up late after all the others had retired and she told him stories of her, and his, adventures in Kirkwall. However, his memory was reluctant to return to him. His instincts told him that she was telling the truth, but his mind was a blank. During one of these storytelling sessions, Fenris had a moment of deja vu. They were speaking of a night when they were just beginning to have feelings for one another. She mentioned him telling her the story of his first escape, of his time with the Fog Warriors. Even though most of his memory from before his return to Minrathous was gone, Fenris did remember meeting the Fog Warriors. According to Hawke, after Danarius had ordered him to kill the entire band of Warriors, he had ran. In his mind, this time was blurry and had a indistinct sense to it. His initial reaction was to fill in the blanks and say that he had returned with Danarius. But as he thought harder and harder about it, Fenris recalled his next solid memory was returning from Kirkwall after Danarius' "visit".

Frustrated with the fact that his mind was still keeping this beyond his reach, a snarl passed his lips and his squeezed his eyes shut as he focused harder at the darkness in his mind. -_Danarius will not control me any longer! I will have my life back!_-

Suddenly, Fenris' markings flared to life as they had the first time they had talked about his memories. The pain in his body was excruciating, but Fenris clenched his eyes shut and pushed back against it. He was determined to remove himself from Danarius' power.

Hawke had jumped back from Fenris when the lyrium had sprung to life and was watching the man before her struggle. Though he had been alright after this had happened last time, she knew this time was different. He was not letting his body pass out from the pain and was instead holding it all within himself. Scooting forward very slowly, Hawke placed her hand lightly on Fenris' arm.

What happened next was too fast for her to follow. One moment she had felt the burn of the lyrium beneath her fingertips, then the next she was pressed flat against the opposite wall. Looking back at the floor where she had been sitting, Hawke saw Fenris glaring at her with intense, glowing eyes. Something was not right. She pulled relentlessly against the invisible restraints holding her against the wall, but she was instead rewarded with an eerie chuckle that echoed like an explosion around the large room. Bringing her eyes back to Fenris, Hawke saw that he was no longer sitting upon the floor, but instead walking slowly toward her, a smirk upon his lips.

"Fenris! What is wrong? Snap out of it!"

"Tsk, tsk, little mageling." Fenris moved ever closer to her, but the voice from his mouth was off. "Do not worry yourself over this lowly elf."

Hawke struggled harder against the bonds holding her. A suspicion had begun to grow in her mind, though she hoped desperately she was wrong. Within moments, Fenris stood before her, looking into her eyes with a curious expression. The glow from his markings flowed over his skin and eyes like water and cast moving shadows around the room.

Knowing that she did not have much time if her idea was indeed correct, Hawke focused her power down into her legs. As she had testing the spell holding her hostage, she had realized it was mostly focused on her chest and arms. A loud snap sounded through the room and Hawke managed to kick Fenris away from herself. The force of both the kick and the spell caused him to skid backwards across the floor and slam into the side of the bed. Lingering on his chest was a glow of her mana about the size of her foot. Focusing harder on the quickly fading mark, Hawke pushed her magic into him the way she had been practicing with Anders. Though he was not harmed, healing him was the only option she could think of.

An unearthly scream sprang from Fenris' mouth and he began to writhe and spasm on the floor. Hawke felt the restraints finally give out and the ran to her love's side. Sweat dripped from his face and hair, and his eyes were pressed shut once more. The light within his body flickered irregularly and the center of his chest was ringed with a dark, smoky aura.

"Fenris! Fight against it! Focus on the sound of my voice!"

Hawke wrapped her fingers around Fenris' clammy hand and watched helplessly as he fought his own battle against the force inside him. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she watched the lyrium finally return to its normal state. Fenris' breathing was still rough and uneven, but he seemed to finally be back to himself. Unable to lift him onto the bed herself, Hawke instead reached for a pillow with her free hand and laid down beside him. There would be much to discuss when he awoke.


	18. Chapter 18

**WOO FOR INSPIRATION! Two chapters in one day! Hope you all enjoy! ;)**

Chapter Eighteen

_-"You are nothing."_

_The voice echoed in the endless dark, not even a speck of light could be found in the blackness. There was nothing, even IT was nothing. The voice was right._

_"It would be better if you just gave in. No one cares what happens to you."_

_A tiny movement and a small sob could be heard in the silence. There was something in the abyss, something tormented by the voice. But it did not matter what IT felt, as the voice had told it. It would be better if it didn't exist at all._

_"You will only harm and destroy. Nothing good ever came from you."_

_This time, the sobs began in earnest. Cries of anguish and loss joined the now cackling voice. It was pointless for it to keep trying. It knew that its faults only caused pain. It was better off dead, to truly be nothing._

_"Let me take it away. Let me make it stop hurting."_

_After a few moments, the sad creature seemed to gain a bit of composure. A swish of cloth, a hiccup of air. The creature stood and looked hard at the shadows surrounding it. It did not know the voice or where it came from, but it offered peace. It took one step and then another, searching for the source of the words._

_"Is that what you want, little wolf? Do you wish for it all to end?"_

_Little wolf? This stopped the creature in his tracks. Is that what I am?_

_"Come. Answer me and I shall give you freedom from your torment."_

_Freedom? What is freedom? The creature's thoughts hung on these words searching for their meaning._

_"FENRIS!"_

_Startled, the creature looked around in a futile effort to find the new voice within its dark cage. The new voice echoed over and over in the void and the ground shook beneath the creature's feet. Listening closely, it found that it could tell a difference between the two voices. This one was higher than the one that had been speaking before, but the words held a painful emotion that it could not voice was familiar, it held meaning to some lost part of its mind. This voice knew him. Fenris, it thought, is that what I am? Is that WHO I am?_

_"I am waiting, little wolf. If you hesitate too long, I will leave you here to rot."_

_These words angered the creature greatly. How dare the voice threaten him?_

_Him?_

_"FENRIS! Fight against it!"_

_Fight? Was that what he must do? Was he Fenris? The creature ran frantically toward where he thought the second voice was coming from. It was the voice that would help the pain stop, not the horrible one that had awakened him._

_Suddenly, the floor shook once more and the creature's feet came out from under him as he flew backwards. Just as suddenly, he found himself slammed against a wall of blackness and a sharp pain began in the center of his chest. For a moment he was blinded. The smallest point of light appeared over the worst of the pain. Fascinated, the creature reached up to touch the light that was so different from his cage._

_"NO! DO NOT TOUCH THAT, SLAVE!"_

_Slave, the creature thought angrily, I am no one's slave!-_

The night crawled by into morning as Hawke stayed by Fenris' side. After the initial spasms had lessened, he had remain completely still. His hand clenched tightly around her's, even after the rest of his body had relaxed. She often had to move her head to over his heart when she couldn't hear the sound of his breathing, just to be certain. A knock from what Hawke assumed was one of the servants sounded on her door at the first signs of sunrise. Unwilling to disturb Fenris, Hawke remained still and silent on the floor. Eventually, she heard footsteps retreating back down the hall. She was quickly becoming uncomfortable and fought against the need to remove her hand from his and stretch.

After what felt like an eternity later, another knock sounded at the door, this one much quieter than the previous one. Instead of walking away after a few moments, the knock sounded again a bit louder. Slowly, the door creaked open and a small elf woman's head and eyes peeked timidly around the corner.

"Merrill!' Hawke exclaimed as quietly as possible, still not wanting to awaken Fenris.

Hearing her whispered cry, Merrill shut the door behind her and knelt down next to her two comrades on the floor.

"Why are you down here, Hawke? And why are we whispering? It is mid morning already!"

"Shh! Fenris had an episode with his memory last night. He... was not himself. I am afraid I do not know his current condition or what will happen when he wakes up."

"Oh... Poor thing." Merrill shifted so that she was sitting on the opposite side of Fenris from Hawke. Leaning her head over his body, she looked down at him intently with her large eyes.

"Can you sense anything, Merrill? I have been trying, but after the energy I wasted last night, I can't seem to focus."

Merrill shook her head and continued to look over Fenris' person. After a few more moments of this, she gracefully unfurled herself from the floor and walked quietly back to the door. "I will go talk to Anders. I don't feel anything... bad. But I am no healer."

As the door shut behind the elf, Hawke gently laid back on her pillow and stared at the ceiling above her. Just when she thought things were looking up, another crisis arose for her to fix. She found herself longing for the simpler times in Fereldan, even with its templars. There she had her family and her home without all the pain and death. Before the darkspawn had come, she had longed for a sense of adventure and purpose. She had ofter argued with her mother when she wanted to leave to find something exciting to do. Then, when she left with Carter for Ostegar, Hawke thought that she had found her chance to prove herself. But all it had led to was loss and destruction.

As these thoughts passed through her mind, warm tears trailed down her temples and the elaborate ceiling began to blur above her before she closed her eyes against the pain. Everything she had done, every step she had taken seemed to be pointless, only taking her farther from what she truly wanted.

"Why do you cry?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Okay everyone, please don't kill me! This chapter was planned since the baby stages of the story. The plot will start snowballing from here and I hope you guys are excited for the ride! ;)**

**Also, I would like to thank everyone for their follows and reviews. It makes me so happy that you are all loving the story and received it so warmly. You are all wonderful.**

Chapter Nineteen

As Hawke's breath stopped at the sound of his voice, the room seemed to echo with the sudden and total silence. A creeping chill swept through her body and her instincts registered the sound of his voice. Something was not right. After all that had happened, she was unsure if she could take another nasty surprise.

Fenris looked at the woman inquisitively as she laid beside him on the floor. He did not know how he had gotten to this position, but was more curious as to HER tears. Had he done something wrong? Was she displeased with him?

"Mistress, have I done something to cause you distress?

-_No! Please no..._-

As she fought against what her mind already knew to be true, Hawke pushed herself into a sitting position and faced the man by her side. She found him with both hands neatly placed on his thighs as he knelt, his head bowed low to her. The perfect picture of submission. The perfect picture of a slave.

It was at this moment that the door to her bedroom opened abruptly and three of her friends swept into the room. Anders rushed forward first, followed by Isabela who was holding a disgruntled looking Merrill against her side. Anders stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes wide as he took in the scene. The pirate's eyes mirrored the action as it registered to her as well.

Hawke could do nothing but stare up at them as the tears made rivers down her face. She knew that she needed to be strong and show them direction. However, in this moment, all illusions of strength had fled from her soul. Instead it was replaced by a deep, numbing exhaustion. She was now assured of the conclusion she had reached while her love had been unconscious. All of her struggles had been in vain. She only knew how to find pain and sorrow, no matter how hard she fought for happiness.

"Marion..."

Anders took a hesitant step forward with his hand outstretched. Her blank eyes just stared at him, the light gone from them as the tears continued to flow. After seeing Fenris sitting bowed beside her paired with the tears, he had drawn the most logical conclusion. Though he hated the elf for being in-between him and his prized love, Anders had never wanted to see Hawke suffer the way she had in Kirkwall after the battle with Danarius. This time was worse. Before, she had been filled with a determination for revenge upon the magister. Even as she had diligently completed her obligations to the Free March city, Hawke had never lost sight of her goal. Now, it was as if the weight of it all had finally snapped her soul.

"Hawke, honey, come up off the floor."

During Anders' moment of contemplation, Isabela had decided that someone had to help their friend. She was more perceptive than most of the group gave her credit for and when her beloved little she-elf had come running into Varric's room, where they had all been talking, she had known something was terribly wrong.

The pirate stepped forward calmly and leaned down to Hawke, her hand outstretched to her friend. After a few seconds of no response, Isabela knelt and wrapped an arm under Hawke's shoulder and lifted her trembling body to her feet. There was no resistance left in the broken mage.

"Come on."

As the strangely dressed woman picked up his Mistress, Fenris remained on his knees merely watching them from between his hanging pieces of hair. The entire time since he had awakened, the events had confused him. He tried hard to think back on what had happened before he had ended up on the floor, but it was all vague. Fenris knew that the crying woman was his new Mistress after her defeat of his former Master. He also had pieced together memories of her being kind to the slaves of the house. But none of these things explained her forlorn expression or the endless tears.

Merrill decided to follow as Isabela half carried her best friend out of the room. When she had arrived earlier, she had felt the dark chill that had filled the room. Never before, even in her dealings with spirits, had she felt such malice. But when she had looked upon the already distressed face of Hawke, Merrill had decided to hold her tongue about it. She often only got herself into more trouble when she spoke and she thought Anders could be a better help.

As the bedroom door slammed shut behind the three women, Anders let out the breath he had not known he was holding. He did not know how to approach this. Merrill had explained the feeling when she had come to find him and he had a suspicion what he was dealing with. What he did not know is if there was anything he could do to help.

"Fenris, stand please."

Immediately, Fenris gracefully unfolded himself from the floor and turned to face the other mage with deep bow. Though this mage had no holding over him, it was wise for him to show the utmost respect to any mage. Plus, Fenris hoped that the man would be kind and volunteer to shed some light on his Mistress' distress. Or at least punish him swiftly so that he knew what his crime had been. To Fenris' great surprise, the mage instead stepped forward and his hands began to glow.

"I need you to be quite still and do not attack me. I know of your disgust for magic, but I must check something."

Fenris fought against his every instinct to flinch away from the mage as he brought those magic-filled hands closer to him. Just because he had to obey the order, it did not mean he trusted the mage. He could never trust a mage.

Anders dreaded what was to come next. He lifted his hands and hovered them less than an inch above Fenris' arm, careful not to touch the still softly pulsing lyrium that he was examining. A sharp cold snapped into his fingertips and the blue aura around his hand grew black for an instant. There it was. A dormant curse hidden within the very powerful lyrium markings of the elf. Though he had suspected it during Fenris' first episode with his memories, Anders had thought it to be merely residual that would fade with time since the caster was dead. That was the greatest puzzle of all to the healer mage.

How was there an active spell working when the caster was dead?


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you all for continuing to read my story! I appreciate you all so much. **

**One thing that I want to let everyone know as it has come up. This story is mostly typed out during downtime at my job. I often work 10+ hour days and I don't have a lot of free time on some of those days. I know that a lot of these chapters are quite short, but I want to bring the story to you without a TON of delay.**

**So here is my question to you all. Please message me if you wish and let me know your thoughts. Do you want me to continue to post as I have OR have a longer wait for longer chapters? If you want the long chapters I will do everything I can to make the wait as short as possible, but I can't promise.**

Chapter Twenty

Hawke stared blankly at the floor as her friends carried her away from her bedroom. Somewhere in the corner of her mind, she registered the worried whispers from the elf to the pirate, as well as, the sharp gasps from each servant they passed. However, these things did not matter to her. She knew she must look as if she were one of the undead, but it was none of her concern. Instead, her mind was hiding away from the harsh fact of what had just happened. Nothing mattered anymore. No actions would change the cruel joke being played on her by the Maker himself. No amount of tears or screams would make the pain stop.

"Isabela, what do we do? I have never seen Hawke like this before."

"Quiet, Merrill. We just have to get her away from that room. Hawke is strong, but one person can only take so much. We are lucky for how much she has done up to now. We have to help her."

Their small procession was slow as they made their way to the quest quarters. After a moment's hesitation, Isabela decided to bring her broken companion to her own room. Being adjoined with Merrill's, they would be able to keep an eye on her easily. As the door swung open, the small elf woman looked around at the walls with no small about of awe in her large eyes. No matter how many times Merrill had been in her companions bedroom, she was always surprised at the alterations Isabela had made in the short time they had been staying at the estate. Every inch of the wall were covered with some form of decoration. Tapestries depicting a ship on the sea in the midst of storms and battles along side gold talismans that glittered in the flickering light. Ship ledgers, maps and various other papers were strewn about every surface, held down by the many empty bottles. It reminded Merrill of when they had rode on Isabela's ship to Tevinter, minus all the hellish rocking.

A smirk came over Isabela's face as she moved forward to lay Hawke upon the bed. After nudging Hawke to lay down, she turned back to her still entranced companion.

"Merrill, sometimes I wonder if you are part beast with your fascination with shiny objects."

Blushing profusely, the elf woman tore her eyes from the walls as she came to sit on the edge of the bed opposite from Isabela. Merrill was quite ashamed that she had forgotten about her friends in her distracted moment, but now looked down at Hawke's drawn face and tightly closed eyes.

"Hawke... Is there anything I... I mean... Do you want...?" Hawke flinched slightly at the continuing babble coming from her concerned friend. Normally, it would have been endearing, but she was unable to appreciate the distraction now.

"Come on, Merrill."

Isabela stood and moved toward the door connecting their two rooms. "She deserves a bit of time alone with her thoughts. If you need anything Hawke, we will be right here."

Still not opening her eyes, Hawke heard the door shut softly and she was suddenly alone. Without her noticing, the tears had stopped somewhere along the way and she felt the exhaustion that had taken root drag her farther under its control. She finally gave in and fell into a restless sleep.

Back in Hawke's bedroom, Fenris had resumed his place on the floor, this time leaning his head against the bed. The human mage had left him shortly after completing what ever test he had performed. His face had fallen into an expression Fenris did not understand, but knew better than to question it. Now that he was alone, his thoughts drifted back to his Mistress. He did not understand all of what had happened. One minute he was resting next to her bed, guarding her sleep as was his duty, and the next she was looking at him with the most hollow, sad look he had ever seen on a creature's face. Fenris still did not understand how she had ended up on the floor with him, but that was the least of his concerns. Deep in the back of his mind, something told him he had failed her in some way. Something had happened and his actions had disappointed her. This confused him greatly. If he had indeed failed in some duty, his Mistress' punishment should have been swift and absolute. Instead, she had been escorted out by the two strange women and even the human mage had not harmed him.

Closing his eyes for a moment, Fenris brought himself to his feet once more. He needed to speak with his Mistress and ask forgiveness for his failure. He was unsure what exactly his transgression had been, but he was well aware that the minds of mages and magisters did not work the same way as his own. However, he could not stand this sense of unknown or the nervous anticipation for the punishment he knew to be coming.

As Fenris made his way to the door and stepped out into the hall, he saw yet another of his Mistress' companions headed his way. This time it was the dwarf man carrying a small scroll with some strange weapon strapped across his back.

"Ah, Fenris! Is Hawke with you? I need to speak with her and I was worried that I would have to interrupt something... ahem... private."

Fenris stared at the dwarf in shock at his disrespectful words. He felt a strange anger and another emotion stir in his chest at the implications that were being made. Shaking the feeling the best he could, Fenris stiffly bowed to the dwarf.

"I am unsure where the Mistress is, sir. Your companion human woman in strange clothing and the female elf left with her a short time ago. I had been intending to seek the Mistress out just now."

Varric looked at the bowing elf in shock, his jaw hanging open. "Th.. the Mistress? Why are you calling her that again, Fenris?"

This time is was Fenris who looked up in shock before returning to his deep bow. "I do not understand your meaning, sir. Lady Hawke is this lowly one's Mistress and should be referred to as such. It would be the utmost disrespect for me to use any other name for her."

"Son of a nug, you must be joking! You really have... oh boy. Okay. Fenris, I need you to stay here. I am unsure whether Haw... I mean... the Mistress is in a condition to see you at the moment. I will go and speak with her myself. Go... do whatever it is you do when not on duty."

Varric didn't wait as he rushed away from the obviously confused elf. He had a sneaking suspicion what had occurred, but wished with every bit of his being that he was wrong. -_Hawke doesn't deserve more of this shit!_-

As he made his way to the guest rooms, Varric found Anders sitting with his back against Isabela's door. Given that this was not a NORMAL occurrence, the dwarf assumed that was the room that held their leader. Making his way to the other man's side, Varric took a seat beside him and waited in silence. He still did not want to believe his theory, and to voice it to another would only make it worse. The quiet stretched out for several minutes until a deep sigh passed from the mage's lips.

"She can't keep this up, Varric. She is just a normal person, flesh and blood, no matter what your fantastic stories say."

"You are right, Blondie. But what can we do? This is her life, her mission. We can do nothing but support her decision to love Fenris and be there when she needs us." Varric looked over to see the deep glare fixed on Anders' face. "And don't you dare blame Fenris for this. I know you have never liked him, but this is something bigger, something darker than what we thought. We don't need your petty jealousy on top of it."

"But he doesn't deserve her, Varric!" Anders slammed his fist into the floor. "He has done nothing but cause her pain and I don't give a damn if it was his actions or not! She deserves a man that understands her abilities and accepts her, mage to mage! If that wretched elf had never come around, Hawke and I would have found a way together and she would have been happy!"

A cough that sounded a lot like a laugh escaped from Varric's lips. "Happy? Have you forgotten what was happening back in Kirkwall? Do you remember that you are barely more than an abomination in the eyes of both the Circle and the Chantry? Or did you somehow forget all that in that dense head of yours? Stop diluting yourself. You would hurt her just as much, if not more so."

As the human stared at him, his rage barely contained, Varric stood and walked to the next bedroom door where he hoped to find answers from the two women. At the last moment before he walked in, he turned once more to Anders.

"Don't you even think about getting in her way, Anders. I won't hesitate to end your vengeful existence if you cause her any more pain. Mage or no, I will find a way. She has done more for each and every one of us than you can EVER hope to deserve."


	21. Chapter 21

**Hi guys! I am so grateful for the support and the reviews! I am glad you are all liking how I am portraying Anders as that was something I was a bit worried about. When playing the game, I never saw him as a "good" person for Hawke. He felt too self-serving and if Hawke was a mage it was even worse. SO, I expanded how I thought he would react if this set of events happened.**

**ANYWHO, I know these have been a rough couple chapters, but we are far from done and I hope you all stick around to see how this goes! Enjoy!**

Chapter Twenty-One

"We don't really know what happened between the two of them, Varric."

Three faces watched miserably as the flames danced in the modest fireplace of the room. Elven eyes gazed intently at her friends from the bed, her face behind her drawn up knees. A dagger in the reflected the light of the fire upon the blank walls as the woman tried to hide her nervousness by cleaning it.

Dwarven fingers intertwined as he laid them on his crossed knee with a sigh. It seemed to him that the only real way to find out what had happened was to talk to Hawke herself, but he refused to hurt her with his questions. Besides, he was almost positive he knew the answer any way. But what he didn't know was the WHY. Why had this happened now?

"Varric... I... um..."

"Yes, Daisy? Don't be nervous."

The elf stretched out her legs with a sigh and laid flat on the bed. "You see, I got to Hawke first. I saw them before he started acting odd. Well. He was asleep then. And he doesn't really sleep much, so I guess that was a bit odd..."

Merrill's rambling went on for a few more seconds before a very impatient throat was cleared by the pirate as she paused her cleaning for a moment. The elf leaned up once more and crossed her legs and she struggled to get back on track with her thoughts.

"Oh! Right. She asked me to check and see if something was wrong. Said that he had an 'episode' and wasn't acting right. But... When I felt his soul... It..."

This time she broke into tears and stopped speaking altogether. Both of her companions stood from their seats to come join her on the bed. The jingle of metal jewelry was loud in her ear as a long arm slid around her small shoulders. Short, strong fingers wrapped tightly around her knee. Small sobs and sniffles were the only sounds in the silent room as Merrill struggled to pull herself together.

"I'm sorry... It's just... It was that horrible man... He was there... INSIDE of Fenris... I... I didn't tell Hawke... I hoped Anders could get there and fix it in time... But I should have tried! I should have told her!"

"Shh. Don't put this on yourself." Varric used his free hand to take one of Merrill's and squeezed it reassuringly. "I suspect that there was very little any of us could have done. That evil bastard... he deserved worse than he got at the hands of Hawke, and he still haunts her from the grave."

A soft knock echoed around the room. For a moment they all froze and looked at the door joining them to Hawke, but a second knock eventually came from the hall door. Considering the warning Varric had told the two women he had given Anders, there was really only one person who could be at the door if not a servant.

"Come in." Isabela called from her seat, unwilling to leave her spot.

The door swung open widely and their last companion walked in and over to the bed. Her armor threw a pattern of dim lights across the walls as it caught the flames, but she stood stoically next to the bed with both hands behind her back. There was a small smile on her lips as Aveline looked at her friends in front of her.

"I interrogated Anders when I found him in the hall to find out what was going on. He filled me in for the most part, but when he started going on about Fenris, I decided it would be best for him to take a nap for a while."

Suddenly, the room was filled with the sound of girlish giggling. Hearing Aveline speak in such a calm, nonchalant way about her actions set Merrill off and soon it developed into full-blown laughter. Seeing that her guilt and tears were forgotten for now, Varric stood from the bed and walked back over to the fire. He had something that he desperately needed to speak to Hawke about, but with this new twist he didn't want to upset her further. They had been in the estate for almost two weeks and it had been quiet and peaceful. As Varric pulled the scroll he had been carrying out of his belt and examined the seal once more, he knew that peace was over.

Back in Isabela's room, Hawke woke from her nightmare with a start. Looking around at the walls, she remembered where she was and all that had happened came rushing back to her. From the other room, she heard the muffled sound of laughter and the ghost of a smile came over her lips. As she relaxed back into the pillow, Hawke took an inventory of herself and her thoughts. The initial shock of losing Fenris once more had lessened a bit, but the hollow feeling remained deep in her chest. A dark part in her mind nagged at her to just give up on him, that it was a fool's errand. Though she was a powerful mage in her own right, she knew that this was beyond her scope. Hawke preferred enemies that she could analyze and confront. Subterfuge was the realm of rogues, not mages. -_Maybe he is better off not knowing... He has dealt with so much pain. Who am I to put him through more of it?_-

Hawke brought her arm up and laid it over her eyes with a deep sigh. She knew she could not give up on him, she swore long ago that she would not. However, she did not know what to do now. This was magic beyond her means, something dark and vengeful. According to every scroll or book she had read on magic, including a few on blood magic despite her firm refusal to partake in it, any spell or curse should have ended with the death of its caster. This thought troubled Hawke greatly. -_How can he still harm us?! Either this is some ancient, powerful magic or he is... No. I watched him die. The officials at the Proving checked him as well. There has to be another reason._-

Feeling the familiar spark of determination begin to alight itself within her once more, Hawke forced herself to rise from the bed and walk to the adjoining door. Despite her desire to find answers, her mind still reeled in fear at confronting this obstacle. Her heart screamed at her to go back to the bed, that this was all a bad dream that she could wake up from. But Hawke knew better. Her reality was often worse than her nightmares could ever possibly come up with. Steeling herself once more, Hawke knocked loudly on the wooden door and waited for a response. Normally she would have just walked in, but she had seen quite a bit on accident between Isabela and Merrill that she learned that announcing herself was for the best.

Within seconds, the door flew open and Hawke had to grab the doorframe to catch herself from falling as a small body ran straight into her. Tiny arms wrapped around her waist and she could hear muffled sobs from where Merrill's face was buried in her shoulder.

"I am so sorry, Hawke! I felt it, but I didn't say anything! I... I should have done something! It's all my fault... I... I want to help! Can I help you?"

Rubbing her right hand down the once again crying elf, Hawke pushed her away just enough to look in her eyes. Seeing the guilt in her friend's eyes tore at her and the girl did not deserve to punish herself for something she could not fix.

"There is no reason for you to apologize, Merrill. You were wonderful and helped so much when you went to get Anders like I asked. You did nothing wrong at all. I should have sensed this from the beginning, but I did not think to even consider the notion. You are always welcome to help when the time comes. But first, I need to figure out how this is even possible."

The sound of a cleared throat brought Hawke's attention to the dwarf standing a few feet away from her. "Forgive me, Hawke. I know that saving Fenris was the whole reason for this quest. But something more has come up and I fear that the answer to your question may have to wait."

"What is it, Varric? I thought everything with the estate was handled and going well." Hawke patted Merrill on the back and pushed her back gently as she brought herself into the room to stand before her dwarf friend. He knew how much this mission meant to her, so his words confused her. -_What could possibly be more important than figuring this out?_-

Varric took a deep breath as he handed the scroll he had been holding out to Hawke. He desperately did not want to throw more onto her plate since she seemed to have finally gotten a handle on her pain. But this could not wait, they had no more time. "It appears that you have a summons from the Black Divine. It seems he would like to speak to you about the favor you owe him. He has found something suitable to repay his 'kindness' and would like you to meet with him to speak about it. Tonight."


End file.
